My Journey as the Esoteric Student...Thus Far

After some false starts and searching for my subject and topic of choice to find my path inward and "the in" things, are beginning to flow. And surprisingly to me, I'm unsure how I am feeling about it. But why?

Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash

Well, it's because I am finding synchronicity, and signals that I am now on the most appropriate course to find answers to things that I suspected, and felt that I already knew, of which are the reasons I chose to begin Esoteric Student. And it's a tad bit scary, but for all the right reasons.

You see, the posts that I made prior to this very moment were all about my experiences and feelings of events in my past, which raised questions I needed to answer. And I have written about them in my own language, descriptors, explanations, and understandings. And nothing else. Meaning in the sense of having no knowledge or research of anything considered esoteric to speak of. But, I also have had nobody to relate to, or speak to, or to share with. Zero studying. Zip, nada, nothing. Heck, prior to my calling to this path, I didn't even know what the word esoteric meant. Seriously!

Since beginning Esoteric Student, I have been blindly taking nibbles out of various avenues of esoteric sub-genres, trying to connect with what feels right and organic for me, in order to settle in. Thus, I have now found what I have been looking for. I have also been working on it, and without saying to much about it yet for the sake of the project I have in store for this particular subject, it feels like "the one."

I know this because of the same reasons which are scary/unsettling to me. What I have written about previously, I am now finding information, tales, stories, journeys, data, files, evidence, and language terms, of, about, for, and to, what I have experienced in my life. But I used all my own words, descriptions, interpretations, understandings, and explanations, due to the lack of knowledge and research on, and into such matters. With frightening accuracy.

It is things that I simply could not have ever known about from second-hand information picked up from other people. If it was, I would never have used sentences claiming that I feel some of my perspectives and opinions were entirely unique to only me and that I needed to begin this journey to seek the answers to things encountered in my past, and present, which are profoundly critical to me to a degree of creating websites, blogs, pages, social media accounts. And more importantly, anonymously (for the most part) for fearing of being accused of being completely insane, and needing liberation from the risks the territory poses. For the sake of needing to be as brutally honest with myself while embarking on this undertaking.

And I will prove all of it, but finding the words requires formulation, and a period of acceptance on my part because although I know exactly what I experience, past and present, to be pure truth, in every ounce of my being, it is quite another thing to find confirmation by others. Those others are authors, prominent speakers, in interviews, podcasts, tv programs, documentaries, people who were in the military and government agencies, declassified scientists...and many more places to be found I'm sure. But the things that are truly profound for me, are few...so far. But are speaking, and teaching of things that are identical to the truth I know, without doubt, because I have experienced it, but described in different words. But only because I never knew terminologies coined by legitimate teachers and experiencers who also know the truth. Without question in my opinion and knowledge.

And that brings me full circle to where I am currently in my investigations. Initially, I feared people would think I'm insane, but now I am finding my way, I keep thinking to myself that this is insane! But nonetheless undeniable. I feel like I am finally finding my place on this journey of being an Esoteric Student. 

A Part of Life is Apart From Death, For Some

What do you mean? I can hear myself being asked as I write this. Death is a part of life; it is the socially accepted standardized rationale of a civilized westerner. Wisdom is seen within an answer such as the aforementioned, it seems logical, I suppose. While it's true that death is a part of life, unfortunately; it's also an ignorant, blinding, blanket veiled answer, and woefully inconsiderate: because circumstances matter.

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In nature, animalistic and wild, life and death are intertwined, eat or be eaten, kill or be killed. Or flight and freeze are two other natural reactions in the face of peril and certain demise. As a human being, I accept that and I am intelligent enough to be sentiant, which also means that I am smart enough to understand that aside from me, and you, and what we are born as, hunting prey and killing is required in the wild.

While it is true that hunting for food is natural, humans and any other lifeform that has to survive by killing is a part of life, and always has been.

But then there comes killing for reasons other than for food, or survival. For power, and for land, and territory. It is also a very natural element for the survival of the fittest. Humans and animals are no different there either, and again it is a part of life and living.

Then, we come to those who kill, the killers, the truly awful hardcore murderous species on our planet, bloodthirsty and numb to travesty, pain, suffering, and cruelty. Animals, I have to close my words regarding them before I move to the point I am hopefully going to make through this article. Animals do kill for fun also, not just for necessity, like cats for example. Are they aware and conscious of what they are doing? Yes, of course, but I will say no more about degrees of animal intelligence and their blood-lusting-hobbies; because how can I compare animals to humans on such matters? I can't, given our superiority, our dominance, and our intelligence.

So while death is a part of life, in the most natural sense, we all die right? Of course, but typically that means, to those sensibilities and what I know to be the peaceful day-to-day life of a U.K. westerner, who has never fired a rifle or pistol (minus once as a range), or tried to murder anyone. So you see, I am one of the "for some" who is apart from death in every sense besides dying when I get old, or ill, or some terrible accident. While others are not apart from death, in life.

This, which I am writing, and you are reading, has stemmed from a video, and in this video, people are being slaughtered again, the same as a million other videos of the same shit, day-in, and day-out. This time on Youtube, which won't allow a barcode on a box of a vaping device to be shown because it's deemed???? Whatever Youtube deems it, I cant understand why, other than Youtube being paid off by cigarette companies and lobbyists most likely. But I digress. 

The video in question was this time footage from Ukraine, and I wasn't going to touch on this topic here. But how can I not when so much exposure to it is unavoidable. I just cannot process or comprehend wtf is going on with humans murdering other humans, and what they are all being put through. Every single human, all the deaths, military and civilians, children, elders, disabled persons, and pregnant women. The soldiers on all sides, the politicians, all of them, and everything is allowed to happen. I'm beyond baffled. We aren't the same as any other animal on this planet. 

 For others around the world, and England also, the not so fortunate, or the deranged, going around stabbing one another like nothing, without a second thought. I just can't fathom how anyone can take a life that isn't yours to take? ANY LIFE.

What makes the actions sicker, and what inspired me to write this, are the comments on these videos and posts. People having a laugh, making jokes, and sharing touches of humour of a disposition crazy enough to literally vomit. It's as if my brain doesn't have the capacity to allow myself to remotely view or channel what must be going through these poor people's minds. Victims and offenders alike.

We have reached a point as a species that was and violence should have been something of distant history, and we should have gotten past all of that by now. I'm weeping from my soul, my heart and I'm just so disappointed, I don't have an ounce of anything close to relatability to those who commit, command, and allow such atrocities to happen. Globally, not one person, or location, or race, all of them.

Shame on you, humans, shame on you.

Perspectives and Cheese Graters

 

Like most of us do, I was just browsing social media and the internet in general, which led me to come across this meme you see before you. And it stopped me in my tracks because of how true it is, how simple it seems of a thing to be pointed out. But yet it is sort of mind-expanding in a more esoteric way than something so unassuming could lead a person to believe.

In a post that I wrote previously, I spoke about the ways in which I see existence, yours, mine, ours, everyone's, and everything.

I mean, within the context of the question asked, along with the image, it does take one a moment away from the self and into the realm of imagination. I can very much visualize the music videos and the artists doing their thing. I can hear the soundtracks in my mind.

One step further than that? I can see in my mind a step further, with the production equipment out of frame. Lighting, cameras, studio crew, director. A bit further behind those, makeup, and fashion stylists won't be too far away. Heck, we could from that point onward travel out the studio and into a car park. And then roads, shops, bars, and restaurants. Why stop there even? Maybe we can envision the moon and beyond. 

We could go beyond that visionary experience, afforded to us by the asset of imagination. Because of perspective. During reading my words, did you see other people in your mind? A celebrity or two perhaps? Very possible, and I have no doubt indeed that many stereotypes were also envisioned. 

But, I wonder how many saw, felt, transported, and traveled from where you are right now as you're reading this, to being there in person. In that studio, on set, lights, camera, music, action, along with the crew, director, artists even, bling everywhere, champagne, cognac, of which, nothing but Hennesy will do, costumes, make-up, getting loose and riding the vibe, all while you're in the center...of a cheese grater!?

In my mind, it raises more questions, ponderings, possibilities, and potential. Because of one reason, my perspective, and back to my earlier post (linked here). But possibly after reading this, it could also be your perspective. Are we all in the cheese grater? 

Very much so, yes, I believe we are. I believe everything is in a cheese grater, all a part of something much, much, much larger than we can ever have the capacity to comprehend. But we can try, and grow along the way as we travel the journey of a traveler in this thing we have chosen to name, called life, and whatever may be outside of, and beyond the greater cheese grater.

For the sake of a running theme of stumbling onto paradoxical conundrums, I suggest to you that looking deeply into oneself, allows, over time, for an ability to outwardly see far beyond the depths journeyed inward. Or So I think, and I wonder if this is remote viewing of, and channeling from an infinite multiverse.

Rolling the Dice

I have at times unwillingly and accidentally stumbled into a deepest depth of mind by damaging it over the course of my life, with substances, sleep deprivation, famine, and binging until my body and mind could no longer keep up, one day it just changed, something switched, snapped, and I could pull information, random and specific from the air, like it's all around us, everywhere, flying around, ideas, knowledge, predictions, were drowning in it, It's filled all around and we're swimming in it. The "ding" moments when a new idea or thought comes into someone's mind, it comes from somewhere, it is what I'm saying to you it is. Break enough and you will reach it consciously.

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The pineal, much like you can move your eyebrows, puff your chest, move your arms and legs, can be moved exactly the same way. Project it, it can be done, and you will get a hit, something bangs into you, like a physical punch in the chest, and stomach, it makes you tense your core after and can begin feeling those hits and prepare for them.

 but...

I don't have a choice when something hits me, could be minutes, could be hours. I haven't been able to get there properly yet to make it hurry. It is just what it is and I am trying to get back that intensity in 2014-15 when I pushed myself too far, without having to push that hard and far. The trick is just to be ready and recognize it when it hits you. You know I make sense and what I'm telling you is as real as you and I.

It needs a bump start for some people, for others, it is a more profound sensory awareness experience but unnoticed and things unexpected happen that people can't explain and have trouble talking about for the sake of criticism and mental condition. And people like me who stumbled onto, but became super aware of what's possible, and left neglected for some time. Nevertheless, I want it back under my full control but without going so close to the edge this time. But experiences can be very different from believers and trying to navigate the legitimacy between those can be tricky of course. But when you see and meet the ones who truly know, as a person who also truly knows, it's as obvious as the difference between night and day. And of course, there is the vast majority of our species now, who will never process out from the coma that blankets them. May peace be with you.