After some false starts and searching for my subject and topic of choice to find my path inward and "the in" things, are beginning to flow. And surprisingly to me, I'm unsure how I am feeling about it. But why?
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| Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash |
Well, it's because I am finding synchronicity, and signals that I am now on the most appropriate course to find answers to things that I suspected, and felt that I already knew, of which are the reasons I chose to begin Esoteric Student. And it's a tad bit scary, but for all the right reasons.
You see, the posts that I made prior to this very moment were all about my experiences and feelings of events in my past, which raised questions I needed to answer. And I have written about them in my own language, descriptors, explanations, and understandings. And nothing else. Meaning in the sense of having no knowledge or research of anything considered esoteric to speak of. But, I also have had nobody to relate to, or speak to, or to share with. Zero studying. Zip, nada, nothing. Heck, prior to my calling to this path, I didn't even know what the word esoteric meant. Seriously!
Since beginning Esoteric Student, I have been blindly taking nibbles out of various avenues of esoteric sub-genres, trying to connect with what feels right and organic for me, in order to settle in. Thus, I have now found what I have been looking for. I have also been working on it, and without saying to much about it yet for the sake of the project I have in store for this particular subject, it feels like "the one."
I know this because of the same reasons which are scary/unsettling to me. What I have written about previously, I am now finding information, tales, stories, journeys, data, files, evidence, and language terms, of, about, for, and to, what I have experienced in my life. But I used all my own words, descriptions, interpretations, understandings, and explanations, due to the lack of knowledge and research on, and into such matters. With frightening accuracy.
It is things that I simply could not have ever known about from second-hand information picked up from other people. If it was, I would never have used sentences claiming that I feel some of my perspectives and opinions were entirely unique to only me and that I needed to begin this journey to seek the answers to things encountered in my past, and present, which are profoundly critical to me to a degree of creating websites, blogs, pages, social media accounts. And more importantly, anonymously (for the most part) for fearing of being accused of being completely insane, and needing liberation from the risks the territory poses. For the sake of needing to be as brutally honest with myself while embarking on this undertaking.
And I will prove all of it, but finding the words requires formulation, and a period of acceptance on my part because although I know exactly what I experience, past and present, to be pure truth, in every ounce of my being, it is quite another thing to find confirmation by others. Those others are authors, prominent speakers, in interviews, podcasts, tv programs, documentaries, people who were in the military and government agencies, declassified scientists...and many more places to be found I'm sure. But the things that are truly profound for me, are few...so far. But are speaking, and teaching of things that are identical to the truth I know, without doubt, because I have experienced it, but described in different words. But only because I never knew terminologies coined by legitimate teachers and experiencers who also know the truth. Without question in my opinion and knowledge.
And that brings me full circle to where I am currently in my investigations. Initially, I feared people would think I'm insane, but now I am finding my way, I keep thinking to myself that this is insane! But nonetheless undeniable. I feel like I am finally finding my place on this journey of being an Esoteric Student.
