I have been taking some time away from social media and virtual reality now that VitalCon is out of the way and I have been having a really long hard look at my life and surroundings.
Taking the space I need has been a welcome break, and clarity-inducing, prompting me to realise that the direction I am headed, isn't necessarily the way I want to go, in fact, I have seemed to have taken a huge detour and have lost myself to some degree. This break has lifted a weight off of my shoulders, and I have been making progress in my non-virtual reality life, away from the communities who have been such awesome support over these almost few years of this journey.
When I first was introduced to the notion of impermanence, I resisted and tried to argue that from another perspective, once something exists, although it may transform into different things, that original something still will always and forever be in existence. I think both things are true. Nothing stays the same forever, but the something that it was is still something.
I have spent the last couple and a bit years deeply embedded with multiple virtual reality communities, like Together with Tripp, and Vitality ReAwakened.
But now it is time to say goodbye, take a step back unto thyself, and dampen the flow of cosmic energy and information which has been bombarding my mind and senses.
Something I haven't, but have wanted to, is written on this blog about physical and mental health, and well-being.
Essentially, at the core, it's why I needed to begin Esoteric Student.
The seeking, searching, exploring, discovering, learning, practices, and religions, all comes down to the temple which is the self; the physical-and-mental-self-health.
Which is (in my opinion), the most esoterical study a person can do, because it is all we can do.
It is doing the 'thing', we are all trying to just do the 'thing'; I mean, at least, I know I'm trying to.
So what I am saying goodbye to, is Discord. I struggle socially, I know I do, but I don't always do the knowing at the same time as I'm doing the doing. And I can be a very ugly person on occasion.
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| Esoteric Garden created by Anita; Finding Nimzy in VRChat |
While I am taking the time I need, and doing some analysis, the vast majority of the negative situations stem from interactions via messaging using text. And I stopped using Facebook in any meaningful way quite some time ago. I can get quite passionate about things. I can have difficulties in reading tone. I overthink replies, and the edit feature on Discord allows for exacerbating it. I can get confused on knowing how to reply, and process interactions. And the list goes on. I think some of these things are related to my being autistic, and quite severely ADHD, along with a couple of other things.
I will keep my Discord account and check it every once in a while, and is the best way I have to keep up to date on events I enjoy attending, but for the most part, I am reverting back to my pre-Discord position of keeping all of my contact, relationships, and interactions with the virtual reality communities, virtual reality only.
Impermanence enters the equation due to my situation in life now, it is vastly different now compared to a few years ago. I'm now feeling somewhat settled into a new home, which I have only just begun to fix up and make it mine.
I have new goals and ambitions in regard to this new home.
Something also has changed, and I have realised that I have become so distracted by virtual reality projects, narratives, and egotistical aspirations, that as I touched on at the start of this writing, I have lost my way, and who I am.
So, during this Discord hiatus, while planning out how I want my home to be, sat in my study/office, I also sat in my library, surrounded by many books, many great books of knowledge and intrigue.
While I was in a rough situation for a couple of years before moving home, I collected but was too distracted to get stuck really deeply into these pages, and I found myself using virtual reality and the communities as a distraction that I am only just waking up from now.
I didn't want to be a host, have an event in VR etc.
What I wanted was to use virtual reality to learn, explore, discover, observe, and commune. And I also wanted to lose myself in my books, to review, write, make a video here and there, have the chance to do some interviews with people.
So these are the things I am now settled enough to concentrate on doing, on my own terms and timeline. And all while blocking out the noise of the things which no longer serve me.
There may or may not be another Medoké on the horizon, I'm not sure yet, but anyone can do that, it is just a concept, with the whole point in mind being, that everyone can do it, and anyone can. To be honest, the event at VitalCon is a heck of a high to go out on,. given its success and turnout. Of which, the video of the whole event is incoming, have no doubt about that.
The calendar of events I have the intention of providing will be watered down, and have the events I am going to, rather than getting lost down the black hole of trying to keep up with every event I can find listed. So I can concentrate on the things I want to do without burning out. My house and life away from all this included, of course. This isn't my job.
I don't want to be a widely known, or popular personality, or public figure, to get paid to do these things by monetising anything and losing my integrity and purpose. Heck, it is all reasons why I choose to remain anonymous also. I tried to come out and found it so terribly uncomfortable. Those who know, know, and those who don't, don't.
I'm passionately grateful for my time on Discord, and grateful to those who have provided and fostered the space for many people to share in some truly amazing and beautiful things together on their servers.
It is important to not misunderstand the words I'm writing, and what you're reading on this statement post. I am the issue that I have. The problem isn't with Discord, nor the communities, or the people, the beautiful and peaceful people.
I have never come across such wonderful groups of individuals on the internet, at all.
I am still going to be within their ranks and continue to interact, share, laugh, love, and enjoy their presence in my life, and I hope they feel the same way about me too!
Many of whom will be introduced to the pages within this humble blog of mine over time.
I have a deep, meaningful, and real love for these human beings, I wouldn't be here without them, they have helped get me through some of the toughest times of my life.
And so I know they understand that I must be Saying Goodbye to what I am.
Saying Goodbye has a very special place in my heart...because it is the name of an event I go to when I can stay up late enough to, run by a very special person, Tom Nickel, as part of his son's, Jeremy Nickel's, creative vision, who is the founder of Together With Tripp, formerly known as EvolVR.
Their work has had an incredible impact not just on mine, but on scores of people's lives all over the world. So I can highly recommend attending some of their events available not just in virtual reality, but on mobile, PC, Discord, and Spotify too thanks to their excellent event session leaders who are the best in the world at what they do. Bleeding edge stuff.
So with all that out of the way...
Until next time friends!
