Universal Grattitude and Saying Goodbye

I have been taking some time away from social media and virtual reality now that VitalCon is out of the way and I have been having a really long hard look at my life and surroundings.

Taking the space I need has been a welcome break, and clarity-inducing, prompting me to realise that the direction I am headed, isn't necessarily the way I want to go, in fact, I have seemed to have taken a huge detour and have lost myself to some degree. This break has lifted a weight off of my shoulders, and I have been making progress in my non-virtual reality life, away from the communities who have been such awesome support over these almost few years of this journey. 

When I first was introduced to the notion of impermanence, I resisted and tried to argue that from another perspective, once something exists, although it may transform into different things, that original something still will always and forever be in existence. I think both things are true. Nothing stays the same forever, but the something that it was is still something.

I have spent the last couple and a bit years deeply embedded with multiple virtual reality communities, like Together with Tripp, and Vitality ReAwakened.

But now it is time to say goodbye, take a step back unto thyself, and dampen the flow of cosmic energy and information which has been bombarding my mind and senses.

Something I haven't, but have wanted to, is written on this blog about physical and mental health, and well-being. 

Essentially, at the core, it's why I needed to begin Esoteric Student.

The seeking, searching, exploring, discovering, learning, practices, and religions, all comes down to the temple which is the self; the physical-and-mental-self-health.

Which is (in my opinion), the most esoterical study a person can do, because it is all we can do.

It is doing the 'thing', we are all trying to just do the 'thing'; I mean, at least, I know I'm trying to.

So what I am saying goodbye to, is Discord. I struggle socially, I know I do, but I don't always do the knowing at the same time as I'm doing the doing. And I can be a very ugly person on occasion. 

Esoteric Garden created by Anita; Finding Nimzy in VRChat

While I am taking the time I need, and doing some analysis, the vast majority of the negative situations stem from interactions via messaging using text. And I stopped using Facebook in any meaningful way quite some time ago. I can get quite passionate about things. I can have difficulties in reading tone. I overthink replies, and the edit feature on Discord allows for exacerbating it. I can get confused on knowing how to reply, and process interactions. And the list goes on. I think some of these things are related to my being autistic, and quite severely ADHD, along with a couple of other things.

I will keep my Discord account and check it every once in a while, and is the best way I have to keep up to date on events I enjoy attending, but for the most part, I am reverting back to my pre-Discord position of keeping all of my contact, relationships, and interactions with the virtual reality communities, virtual reality only.

Impermanence enters the equation due to my situation in life now, it is vastly different now compared to a few years ago. I'm now feeling somewhat settled into a new home, which I have only just begun to fix up and make it mine. 

I have new goals and ambitions in regard to this new home.

Something also has changed, and I have realised that I have become so distracted by virtual reality projects, narratives, and egotistical aspirations, that as I touched on at the start of this writing, I have lost my way, and who I am.

So, during this Discord hiatus, while planning out how I want my home to be, sat in my study/office, I also sat in my library, surrounded by many books, many great books of knowledge and intrigue.

While I was in a rough situation for a couple of years before moving home, I collected but was too distracted to get stuck really deeply into these pages, and I found myself using virtual reality and the communities as a distraction that I am only just waking up from now.

I didn't want to be a host, have an event in VR etc. 

What I wanted was to use virtual reality to learn, explore, discover, observe, and commune. And I also wanted to lose myself in my books, to review, write, make a video here and there, have the chance to do some interviews with people.

So these are the things I am now settled enough to concentrate on doing, on my own terms and timeline. And all while blocking out the noise of the things which no longer serve me.

There may or may not be another Medoké on the horizon, I'm not sure yet, but anyone can do that, it is just a concept, with the whole point in mind being, that everyone can do it, and anyone can. To be honest, the event at VitalCon is a heck of a high to go out on,. given its success and turnout. Of which, the video of the whole event is incoming, have no doubt about that.

The calendar of events I have the intention of providing will be watered down, and have the events I am going to, rather than getting lost down the black hole of trying to keep up with every event I can find listed. So I can concentrate on the things I want to do without burning out. My house and life away from all this included, of course. This isn't my job.

I don't want to be a widely known, or popular personality, or public figure, to get paid to do these things by monetising anything and losing my integrity and purpose. Heck, it is all reasons why I choose to remain anonymous also. I tried to come out and found it so terribly uncomfortable. Those who know, know, and those who don't, don't.

I'm passionately grateful for my time on Discord, and grateful to those who have provided and fostered the space for many people to share in some truly amazing and beautiful things together on their servers.

It is important to not misunderstand the words I'm writing, and what you're reading on this statement post. I am the issue that I have. The problem isn't with Discord, nor the communities, or the people, the beautiful and peaceful people. 

I have never come across such wonderful groups of individuals on the internet, at all. 

I am still going to be within their ranks and continue to interact, share, laugh, love, and enjoy their presence in my life, and I hope they feel the same way about me too!

Many of whom will be introduced to the pages within this humble blog of mine over time. 

I have a deep, meaningful, and real love for these human beings, I wouldn't be here without them, they have helped get me through some of the toughest times of my life. 

And so I know they understand that I must be Saying Goodbye to what I am.

Saying Goodbye has a very special place in my heart...because it is the name of an event I go to when I can stay up late enough to, run by a very special person, Tom Nickel, as part of his son's, Jeremy Nickel's, creative vision, who is the founder of Together With Tripp, formerly known as EvolVR.

Their work has had an incredible impact not just on mine, but on scores of people's lives all over the world. So I can highly recommend attending some of their events available not just in virtual reality, but on mobile, PC, Discord, and Spotify too thanks to their excellent event session leaders who are the best in the world at what they do. Bleeding edge stuff.

So with all that out of the way...

Until next time friends!

An Esoteric Journey: So Far, Medoké, VitalCon2024, and Beyond

It has been two years and 4 months since beginning this path of exploration as an Esoteric Student. 

Essentially it is a journey of learning how to gain back some ground within my mental and physical health, and wellbeing.

During this time I have travelled between spaces and groups of others who all, in a great variety of different ways, are seeking, learning, teaching, and sharing experiences which are richly dense with wisdoms; for the mostpart in the names of love, life, and peace across mediums, formats, platforms accessible to everyone....one way or another.

I am aware that I have only just reached a tip of the preverbial iceberg. But this iceberg is more akin to a snowcone of sweetness and a variety of flavours, with plenty more still to discover.

The whole point of writing a blog, is to not only utilise the method for my own relief, but to share with others my findings in hope of making a difference to at least some-one persons out there, wherever there may be. 

A huge part of my life over the last couple of years has been spent within communities of people who have all found their ways to the best of what virtual reality has to offer; at the bleeding edge and forefront of physical and mental wellbeing. 

For a person like me, who can have a hard time socially, virtual reality has offered me a way of being able to develop personally, and experiencially grow gradually; comfortably.

Which brings me to the point of writing this post...

To get to this point in my life has taken a lot of peoples time, energy, guidance, and care converging unto myself.

Throughout which I have spoken a great many things about how I want to live my life, and my wants of things I'm to do once I am in a settled position to do so. And while I have spoken of my grattitudes along the way...it is now the time to start putting the money where my mouth is. This horse has been led to the water...nothing more can be done for me and I must drink.

So here are my pledges of intention birthed of grattitude.

Removing Barriers

Everyone faces barriers in life which come in as many forms as there are people, and my goal is to try in small ways to alleviate some which I have faced myself, which I hope can be of service to others. 

Esoteric Student Library

Originally, I created an online Esoteric Student Library filled with books, and essays, available to download instantly, for free for everyone.

This was my first conception and notion of the inception to the act of barrier removal in order to help people on their journeying and become their own Esoteric Sudent. 

While limitations can be useful in personal development and growth, brick walls can end paths before they begin. The internet can be a brick wall for many people when trying to scour and locate things such as books. 

You may end up somewhere uncouth, downloading viruses for example. Or never find what your looking for, heck, how do you even know what to look for when first setting out?

Since creating it though, I have took the decision to not risk any chance of issues with copyrights and things of the sort by having to reinstate a partial barrier. 

Currently, if one should happen upon the link to the library it will land you onto a 404 page in its place. 

However, all people need is a Gmail account and to send an email to library@esotericstudent.com providing a Gmail address to be added onto the permitted users access list and hey presto, you're good to go.

This is live, and available to do right now.

In fact, I think it retains an element of the esoteric, mystery aspect to all of this in it having to be done this way but be quick because I am still toying with the idea of it becoming a membership perk. 

With over 40k different books, files, documents, essays and images in my collection being uploaded to it over time, it is for sure something to check out.

Something I am missing in my life is responsibility, accountability, and routine.

Being held to account is important for personal development. Being dependable, and forming structure to one's life, with a solid commitment has to be built upon solid foundations. 

With these things comes purpose and meaning to the why's and what's we do.

So the next announcements are things which are reasonably within the borders of what I can keep up with regularly.

Esoteric Student Events Calendar and Resources Directory Database

While on my adventures I have attended many events, and found resources across multiple medium formats, and platforms accessible to everyone.

So, from February 2024, I will be posting the events schedule daily to EsotericStudent.com in a dedicated section, and provide daily, an email to anyone who chooses to receive it. 

Containing all the necessary information, such as platforms, devices required, links, timezones, community's, genre/category, and so on, this will be a one-stop solution designed to remove as many barriers to access as possible towards helping not only those who wish to find and attend such events, but to help those who have events to be found.

Alongside this is an easy to use and search directory, containing information of those in the wider health and wellbeing community who have something to share, safely and of value.

This includes any group, event, and sessions leaders personal projects who you may meet at the events scheduled, as well as attendees.

Since the closing of a virtual reality social platform AltspaceVR it became glaring that there are people and pockets of communities out in the wilds now, from the AltspaceVR days who were affected by its demise due to ASVR having an events board which was easy to follow. 

Losing that was detrimental to many, including myself, and my hope is that bridges can be begun to be built crossing the gaps, but also revitalised by others sharing this information and putting it out there too. And I know some are also working on do the same.

The goal is to not only bring together the old school, but to bring many fresh faces to these events and to broaden the wider health and wellbeing community of which we are all a part of.

The objective of bringing people together, and promoting inclusivity, is the theme I wish to continue carrying forward into as many aspects of Esoteric Student as I can; which brings me to these next couple of announcements.

Medoké event banner for VitalCon 2024

Medoké 

At some point along the way, quite a while ago, 18 months roughly, discovering the aforementioned inspired me to want to have my own small event in virtual reality.

I wanted to interview people in front of a small live audience, record it and create a podcast. 

The premise being centered around the notion that everybody is unique, and no one life experience is the same as any other, everybody has at least one peice of wisdom that nobody else has. 

So in 6 word or less, I ask what is the wisest, most unique to you, and valuable life lesson that you would like to put out into the world?

And the conversation goes on from there.

An Evolution of this format is...Medoké!

What in the world is Medoké?! Is something you may be finding yourself wondering...

Something which has helped me so so much in these couple of years is meditation. Prior to venturing forth as an Esoteric Student I had never meditated, but that changed when I met the wonderful over at 'Together With Tripp', formerly known as EvolVR. 

Attending their events multiple times each day in virtual reality had an instant big impact in my life, even while at first I literally had no idea what it was exactly we were supposed to be doing. So for a while there I was doing a different style to the rest of those there...oops.

I can't thank them enough, the core community welcomed me with open arms, and has only ever shown me love and kindness. In my own way, I am working towards returning to them in kind, all that they have offered, and all that I have taken...but more on that shortly.

I have found other groups and communities out there in the wilds who run different styles, and themes, and informational nuggets of gold, just like Together With Tripp also does. 

At these events people have check-in rounds, and check-outs too, where those who are there share their experiences, and briefly touch on things which arose during the session. 

With a vast array of community members, both diverse and rich with knowledge, and experience, many things spoken catch my attention when it comes to peoples personal practices, but the sessions come to a close and I'm left to wonder, wanting to know more. I know I can't be the only one.

I even have heard it mentioned by some that they would like to try their hand at leading a meditation to a live audience, and present to others their favourite practices, myself included has said and thought this. I also wonder how many think it but haven't said it out loud?

But where can we find a live audience and the space setup to present our practices?

In virtual reality, a hugely popular activity people really enjoy is VR Kareoke.

At this point I think you know whats coming next...Medoke is the combination of meditation and kareoke...Medoke is meditation kareoke!

Inspiration is infectious, and I found myself saying this not long ago, "If we can find inspiration within our-'self'; the rest will follow, as we already have what we need..."

I strongly believe it to be true, I must do because I said it while inspired, as a description to how I interpret the feeling present and in that moment, with awareness and curiosity.

And so my hope and aspiration is to provide people with the platform to be inspired, and empowered to guide others for 10 minutes, during which, the space is yours, and your audience.

But I can't provide the space alone; alas...I am not alone.

Vitality ReAwakened, is a very special community I met during the time I spent in AltspaceVR.

Created by Anita, and Kaiju and Jose, have built a strong foundation which at the core, is aimed at removing barriers for people to find, revisit, and ReAwaken our Vitality.

It is something which they have consistently providing throughout the whole time I have known them. And they have projected a lot of really great, positive and inspirational events in virtual reality.

The barriers Vitality ReAwakened removes includes providing people with a space, and platform, to teachers, guides, leaders, doctors, professors, people who have something to share, and students.

And this includes myself, with Esoteric Student. For which I'm immensely grateful to Anita and the team of creators who collaboratively make any of this possible.

Thank you Vitality ReAwakened!

So...Medoké, what to expect?

At this 1 hour and 20 minute event, 2/3 people will have the floor to lead a 10 minute meditation each, with a short interview by the host, Esoteric Student, and an oportunity for the guide and audience to engage with each other, right after, prior to the next guides time.

We are in need of participants for the alpha phase, during which we will better determine timing and structure for future events. 

You are a perfect candidate if you would like to stretch your limits, experience something new and amazing, and be a part of setting the foundation for a unique event that will touch many lives over time!

If you would like to apply, or for more information please send an email to medoke@esotericstudent.com 

“Medoké"

The community project I'm involved with, VitalCon, is coming up really soon, January 3rd it all kicks off.

It is being an eye opening experience, seeing some of what happens behind the scenes of, what is scheduled as of now, a showcase of sixteen events! 

I myself have settled into the project, and my roles, of which some are born again unto me from previous experiences.

Esoteric Student though, is from the pov of a journalistic, experientialist, documentarian, aka blogger. Not just words though.

So, now it is time to end this transmission of bounty, by saying that I hope a happy holiday to all...

Please do check out VitalCon 2024's website if you're at all curious.

Until next time friends.

https://discord.com/events/795363360845201418/1185465975424962560

 

The Road Ahead, (VR) Virtual Reality & Community, New Esoteric Student Logo, Stalking the Wild Pendulum by Itzhak Bentov, Bhagavad-Gita As it is (1972) by Swami Prabhupada

I am grateful because a pattern is forming within a hopeful new routine. I have been dismayed at how long it's taking me to adjust to my new surroundings since moving home, but not now I'm noticing some structure to my life.

I am working on a few different projects for the blog. 

Each project is really positive and beneficial to not just myself but for others too. 

Things such as a live event in virtual reality, and writings on my experiences with and in vr, a long form book, an article on mindful beekeeping, book studies, people profiles and interviews, and more; all take time but are underway. But I do also just tend to take longer than most to do things in general. Which is odd as I always feel like I am rushing.

I would also like to get a video started soon.

Playing around with some new logo ideas. This one incorporates the moon

One priority, away from Esoteric Student, in my life is getting my new home into good order as it was far from that when I moved here…and it still is far from it. Especially as I am just a tad concerned about winter and the temperatures.

I realise that many of these update posts may not get read and I am good with that because aside from the Esoteric Student Facebook page which has followers left over from a previous users project, I am being a hopeful romantic about trying to keep things as organic as possible by word of mouth, organic search results etc.

I think it is not very likely to make a ripple from a micro-droplet given how technology and the internet is saturated with creators far more talented and interesting than I, who make use of the resources such as ad placements, and professionals.

I was recently asked a question at a regular writing meeting (in virtual reality) “who am i writing to?”

Meaning who do I feel is my audience?

It is a great question…I thought I had an answer for her but impermanence has done it's thing because it isn’t the same as when I started this path. I would say that it was to nobody, i just needed he action of pressing send, and putting it out into the ether like a message in a bottle.

I didn’t know anyone who may be reading what I write so chose to be anonymous instead just in case someone I know reads it and caused arguments or something of that ilk.

But in the past week I have arrived at the answer that I am writing to those I have met along the way up to this point now.

And I do know some of those people whose eyes may glance my scribbles from time to time. So I am changing my perspective and anwser to the question, I am starting to write friends.

I also revealed myself to a group of people who have supported me through these past couple of years, and whom I am going to be posting a lot about soon. They were once called EvolVR and now they are known as the “Together With Tripp” Community..

Who is Together With Tripp?

It is a privilege to say that I am a part of a truly amazing community and example of the good which can come of utilising virtual reality. Quite simply put, Together With Tripp is VR done right. And the best thing is you dont even need a virtual reality headset to become a part of the bleeding edge movement of the digital revolution in mental, and phsyical health and wellbeing. The events can be accessed via mobile devices and pc also, all for free!

I'm testament to it, and witness the transformation in all kind of people from all walks and locations of, and in, life; time and time again.

From their website they are: "Together with TRIPP. We are the largest live VR meditation community in the world, with weekly live events across the metaverse, on platforms such as VRchat, Rec Room and Horizon Worlds. We build a safe environment for people to connect and collectively support each other’s emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being. Join us in VR or even from your desktop and experience group meditations and activities without leaving your home."

I hold a huge debt of gratitude to these kind and gentle beings, and people I have met along the yellow brick road thus far from other communities in virtual reality.

Virtual reality has done great things for my life and I also am writing and will be posting a lot about.

There are other communities too of course. I frequent a few regularly, There is the Vitality Reawakened Community, MUSE, a Creative Writing Community, a VR Mystery School, and others of which I am writing stories of but not yet as I am trying to write as linearly as I can about the past.

I am still trying to find my writing style, and still toying with the format and times between posts so please be patient with me.

My latest reads are:

Stalking the Wild Pendulum by Itzhak Bentov.

Synopisis: In his exciting and original view of the universe, Itzhak Bentov has provided a new perspective on human consciousness and its limitless possibilities. Widely known and loved for his delightful humor and imagination, Bentov explains the familiar world of phenomena with perceptions that are as lucid as they are thrilling. He gives us a provocative picture of ourselves in an expanded, conscious, holistic universe.

&

Bhagavad-GIta As it is (1972) by His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada

Synopsis: The Bhagavad-gita is universally renowned as the jewel of India's spiritual wisdom. Spoken by Lord Krishna, the Supreme Personality of Godhead to His intimate disciple Arjuna, the Gita's seven hundred concise verses provide a definitive guide to the science of self realization. No other philosophical or religious work reveals, in such a lucid and profound way, the nature of consciousness, the self, the universe and the Supreme. His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada is uniquely qualified to present this English translation and commentary on Bhagavad-gita. He is the world's foremost Vedic scholar and teacher, and he is also the current representative of an unbroken chain of fully self-realized spiritual masters beginning with Lord Krishna Himself. Thus, unlike other editions of the Gita, this one is presented as it is--without the slightest taint of adulteration or personal motivation. This edition is certain to stimulate and enlighten with its ancient yet thoroughly timely message.

These will take me some time to get through and attempt to digest at least some of what these books contain.

I am now using the Gateway Tapes daily but still only the first volume. But I have noticed that when actively paying attention to my hearing and the sounds around me that I can seperate the sound and focus on them into one specific reverberation. Which has now assisted me upon my own intention of capturing sounds, and working on them to produce an undertone to sample in a meditation sound idea I have and aspiration to act upon producing.

I haven't decided which sounds yet, and of course this sublevel track can be added to any number of other recording I can make of the ocean, wind, rain etc, It should be barely audiable to begin my tests with until I discover which of the recording it is most suited to complimenting.

Until next time friends!

Thank you.

Some Thoughts from the Week or so, The Bhagavad Gita and PSI in Pyschotherapy

This has been a week of realisations

I need to be more organised and find the balance between self care, study, and other personal projects (I may or may not reveal at some point here) if I am to live a truly happy life. 

Back to basics is a must, especially now I have another epic area to explore and investigate. Sri Bhagavan, Bhagavad-Gita, The Vedas, and Hare Krishna.

I'm reading the Bhagavad-Gita by Gita press and I feel like my soul leaks and is pouring and bleeding colour out through my eyes.

As for "Bhagvad Gita As It Is", I have read the Gita parts of it but not yet the commentary as I am awaiting my copy of the 1972 version written as it originally was prior to the ISKCON troubles.

A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada is an interesting fellow. I will be doing a deep dive on him and ISKON at a later date.

So I think for now I am going to dedicate 7 day cycles as to my studies.

Another book I have been reading is "PSI in Pyschotherapy: Conventional & Nonconventional Healing of Mental Illness" by Alex Tanous, D.D., Elaine Schwinge, M.D., and Andrew F. Bambrick, Ph.D.

Synopsis: Rd. Alex Tanous (1926-1990) was an international lecturer on the topics of well-being, creativity and parapsychology. A self-professed psychich, he spent twenty years of his life being tested for his claims of 'light project' and going 'out-of-the-body' at will. He was also wellknown for placing his predictions of future events on record. This book, written in the 1980s by Tanous and colleagues, gives an overview of an innovative approach in the combined fields of conventionasl and non-conventional psychotheraputic healing."

The concept is intriguing for me due to it being two areas of interest. Psychology and Parapsychology but this a pretty dull read and I wont be spending much time writing about it. But the idea of co-working in this way has stuck in my head. 

Especially given I heavily appreciate Carl Jung's Black and Red books which I am going to writing in depth about on Esoteric Student.

Between the HIndu texts, Buddhism, Carl Gustav Jung, and my studies on consciousness and ESP, minfulness practices, a few traditional esoteric topics, hermetiscism divination, and tarot, and virtual reality, I think it is a solid foundation to be entangled with.

If I want to learn and grow I must also do more physical activity and look after myself. I must not let the main thing in my life be the blog itself. I feel the wise thing to perceive it as being is a positive byproduct of this journey I am on. A source for inspiration and progress on the self, it needs to be less than a single stress.

I need to be less egoistic, which has at times been the source of my own manifestations and has bled into my writings and soul. But fortunately I am catching myself doing it quick enough for some damage control pre-action…such as when I press the send button.

"If I was a better person" is something also to be said less and less…or is this my ego self now writing such a thing?

Currently though I have so many things I wish to do, but less and less time to do it as inevitable age caught up with me some while ago already. For this my meditation practice is not yet at a place strong enough to helping as best as I need to be helped when reading given my ADHD. So I am awaiting an appointment to go back onto medication so I can read for hours on end undisturbed. 

And it will help me to report more of how this journey is going also, and it will be non-stimulant.

It's heavy stuff I am researching and I'm not a natural at being a born-again student…I find it really hard to do what (I am faking until I make it) I'm trying to do for myself. 

I really hope many others can try to do things for themselves, even if things do get, or are hard.

Of course Life is hard…but that's the journey.

I would do well to try to remember that, I mean going back on more medication sucks, but I am harming myself by not asking for help. And that could harm others around me too…but I want to be able to keep showing up for myself, because by doing that, we opcan continue to show up for others…and I want to keep showing up for whoever may read this..out there drifting in the ether….unknowing of where it may travel…that's why I do this…for the release and weight reductions, providing I remain mindful of what I am putting out there to them…to you too. ?👁️

Today has had a beautiful full circle. Last week I was happy and grateful of being able to save a tired bumblebee lying almost lifeless on the scorching pavement. So I picked him up and shared a sugary drink with him and allowed him to rest a while before we parted ways.

This morning I received an email inviting me to a three day introduction to practical beekeeping! It is a pilot of a scheme in the works for my local area and they want feedback.

The reasons for my journey continues to evolve, I  look daily at what is happening in the world and it's becoming easier to bury my head in books and keep myself to within the small slice of this earth my home is resting upon.

We are fucked…the dystopia of the future is here, and has been for a long time. But what does "a long time" even really mean?

The more I'm reading the Hindu texts the more I am feeling sure that between such ancient knowledge, and up to the modern era of knowledge I have found what I have been looking for.

A base of areas to focus my studies on which resonates with me…stuff I can grasp (ego talking possibly).

I feel like I have confirmed that what I have discovered and experienced over the course of my life in various states of conciousness, are shared from the oldest of scriptures up to the most modern of sciences.

I feel a little lighter since having this revelation, but the question then becomes "now what?" 

Now I just want to keep learning and have a simple life. I am fortunate enough to have my time to do what whatever I want to do. And so this is what I want to do.

The Trifecta of Mystery =?

Who are we?...What are we?...What are we a part of?

This past twenty three months has been so eye opening, emotionally intense, and educational. On August 7th 2021 I wrote my first Esoteric Student post and made a couple more posts prior to hitting upon the idea of pausing to write about my perspective on a “theory of everything” as it appears to me.

I did this so I can return to it at a later date and see how much my view changes with time and the deeper I seek as I investigate more and more. I published this article on August 21st 2021, and already between then and now so much has happened that my perspective…and opinion, has shifted. 

I wrote my article with the intention of writing an updated version at some point in the future, however I didn’t expect it to be quite so soon as the NOW is. I realise that while I have some bias towards exploring subjects which I feel may support or dismiss my theories out of hand; I still do not know where exactly my studies are going to take me and what I am going to find.

My goal is to edge towards the truth, and facts regardless of if it is shown to support or deny what I find, and write about, prior to the findings of new information. And that is the “journey” I refer to being on, following the yellow brick road.

But I cannot present my progressive current understandings in a single crudely written post as I did before. This is the role the blog plays, so I can go deep.

Ultimately my main focus is consciousness but at times upcoming, it may not be overtly apparent that what I write and produce is related at all.

This is of course a fictitious diagram and not based on fact

Consciousness: What do I think?

What are we?

Is a question with few words, and yet contained within is a theory of everything. 

There are two more questions which in my opinion “almost” completes a trifecta.

What is our purpose?

What are we a part of?

For me they are the keys needed to induce the most profoundly important and reality shattering mental, and physical exercises in my journey of personal development and expansion.

Trifecta definition: I say that those three questions are “almost” a trifecta because the original use of the word “trifecta” was for making bets on horses. A trifecta means to correctly pick the first, second, and third place finishers at the races, in the correct order. The use of it is now much expanded upon and utilised in many different ways.

But in this instance I am choosing to use it with a question mark (?), due to the complexity and my being unsure with which order, if any, my three questions are appropriately queried.

What are we? What are we a part of? What is our purpose?

They could each be considered to be the same core head-scratching thing. 

Yet they also are quite a vastly different question from one-another, especially when expanded upon. I think?

Just like everybody else, I have so many questions to which I ponder over routinely and I do think I  know can not truly be answered…currently and not in my physical forms lifetime, but we keep on trying to. 

I feel that I keep coming back to such existential and innate trains of thought with a curiosity of warmth and comfort. It is as if my mind belongs to wonder, to see without using phsyical eyes. My mind is loose enough to drift, to flow through…to flow through what?

To flow through something of which I am not able to specify with true accuracy, maybe not any accuracy at all, in fact.

I mean…how i see it currently is super simple in that the matter of that which we are a habitat of physically, meaning bacteria, germs, and all that we are host to; there are good germs, and bad germs which are limited to their situation, they are trapped so to speak.

Now imagine if they were sentient, just as a fun thought and for the sake of this odd writings of mine.

Our body is kinda like their universe, and they are asking the same questions I am here…

Unless they built a germ/bacteria friendly little submarine, managed to use it to exite out our earhole to get a first hand eye witness account of their container, even take photographs and videos on their little germ equipment; and the returned by popping back in to show their population (which is also our own population within us we are host to) what they are apart of, how could they truly know?

They may try to do the same things us earthling humans do amongst our population?

Methods of which I am exploring and going to be writing about on Esoteric Student over the coming years.

My mind is so entangled with such subjects that other questions arise because if those bacteria do escape and bear witness to us, they would then also see that there is a landscape which holds host to us too. Kinda like macro and micro observation of the eternal sort. you know, we could just keep zooming out, and keep zooming in without end in the attempt of removing layers, but only getting as far as revealing new (to us) layers.

Questions, Questions, Questions…

“If the only part of ‘no contact’ that exists is the meaning of those words themselves when being put into the order I just wrote them in, is this an abstract paragraph in its claims?” 

Or is the notion of ‘contactless’ the true abstraction?

Meaning, do us humans commonly accept that we all blindly lead into the illusion of distance between physical objects and biological materials? 

I think it depends on a person's perspective and personal “theory of everything” but when challenged I wonder how concrete they are when defending the position of being opposite to the facts on the universal scale, and the microscopic, or even the vibrational frequency level, and quantum science?

Acknowledging, Accepting, Denying…hmmm…these things are tricky, one of my biggest issues to work on during my spiritual practice has been “Letting go”...

Is accepting a part of letting go?

If it is, does that mean the other side of the same coin is “Denial”?

Or is the key to letting go being able to do neither of those things by “Acknowledging” only?

Is accepting and denying the same as yes, and no, true, or false, real, and not real?

Is it ok, or is it not ok to ponder such a thing?

Are all of those things judgments in reality based on just what the limit of being perceivably perceptive of the brightest of us?

What judgments have you made while reading this? 

What judgments are you making right now?

Is every action and reaction a judgment based off of the limitations of available to us data at any one moment? 

Is everything we do a judgment of the future, one moment after the next?

Wow...I Can Begin!

 

It is a momentous occasion for a monumental effort, and please know that I know what you have done for me, and with me.

The place I am nestled away in as I write this is a new home...in a new chair...at a new desk, in Esoteric Student HQ.

To be able to sit here and write this has taken so much energy - while I do include me in that statement, it is not myself I am writing this about; because If it had not been for other people's lifeforce energy this all-important very first blog post wouldn't arrive.

The place I am nestled away in as I write this is a new home...in a new chair...at a new desk, in Esoteric Student HQ. The reasons for being here are vast…so this may take a while. 

It may take as long to read this as it has to write. It's been such a complex thing to try to write and hit upon so many expansive connections and moments, especially with people who I feel would do a disservice too, to not be included in such a personally important milestone moment; which this indeed is one such milestone moment.

What it represents is that the entirety of my life up to now is over. I'm totally starting over from scratch.

My Grandparent's canine compadre who is in my canine compadre too, my three turtles, and me.

The highs and the lows, (I have not been an easy person to deal with...a lot of times…regularly…at least... the shame makes it feel that way) have been at the extremes of an extrovert to introvert, and all in between at the flick of a switch during this past 20 months (as of the time I am writing this).

My journal, an image of mystical origins to be featured soon, my Grandparent's Rings and Ashes.

I apologise to anyone encountering negative moments with me.

Esoteric Student was created in August 2021.

Back then I was desperate…I was desperate to not lose the connection I had with my dying Grandmother, as I “thought” I had lost my Grandfather after he died in 2018. By which I mean that I could no longer “feel” his presence in the way I thought I would be able to.

Esoteric Student was the name that seemed fitting due to the intended direction of my intrigues. So began with religion and magick. The mysteries of the traditional esoteric material were out of my depth, it is a different language to that of which I speak. In many various ways, it is just a bit too difficult for me to jump into the deep end. 

I was drawn in that direction because no modern medicine was going to help me and my Grandmother in the afterlife...what the heck even is the afterlife? It seems logical to then go to that which has been around for the longest time and is esoteric in nature but I need to work backwards to understand it even on the basic fundamental levels. I’m talking about Keys of Solomon, Talismanic, Golden Dawn, Crowley, Hermes…and all the ancient texts etc.

I need to be able to try and grasp an understanding of the things I am to look into because I am not hoping to pull rabbits out of hats…I am looking for and intend on real-world results connected to everything. 

Everything is connected to everything…but how?

But I’m a layman to the correct terms, meanings, references…to most all this. I just have experiences where I don't know the right language and terms, and meanings etc…you get my point that I am not the smartest cookie in the jar...I'm not academic I just am a seeker…in the age, we’re in of solo seeking.

Personally, I have opted to focus on the esoteric layers within realms I have encountered, visited, and even toyed with; and tried to come to get to know well (in some cases) throughout my life.

The things I cannot deny exist…

I know how I got to be in some of the fringes of the most fringe fringiest of…?...places…I guess you could call it…and states of consciousness…which are not conducive to good health and I will not survive if I go back there via the means previously employed…I no longer want to die…again (I will cover this at a later date).

So when I was at this point my search kinda stalled due to my grandmother passing away and my trying to deal with going through it on my own (read this article "Goodbye"). 

Over in the United Kingdom, we lived in what is called a housing association home. aka too poor to buy our own home. And the house was too big for one person to live in so I couldn't stay living there, but I also had nowhere to move to. I knew only that I might have to wait about three months before I could move to a smaller place…but it turned into a limbo of more than 18 months living out of boxes not knowing where my future lay…at all.

And my mental health declined, and my physical health also.

During that time, from that old home to this new one has been such a wild ride, and I have been keeping track of it all via journals.

I found some new spaces…virtual spaces, and used my virtual Reality headset to begin to learn how to meditate, socially online, in the metaverse… what has transpired is the journey up to this point coming back full circle from old endings to new beginnings yet again…

(It’s the ebb and flow, the forever recycling change of impermanence, from one transformation to another…the stream of consciousness at the centre of it all, being cradled and nestled away; being sung lullabies to keep it sleeping within the subconscious…)

It is the gentle cold air on the tips of our nose with each allowed, noticed, but automatic, inhale.

This is what changed the direction of everything for me. 

This is what a very kind and wise person taught me first during my first meditation session about getting to the present moment.

To be conscious in the present moment…

Present Moment…this is where things are happening…?  

From one perspective everything is in the present moment. And nothing happens outside of it…but how big of a moment are we talking about here because that's a lot of wiggle room to try to consider?...

This question is a legitimate thing to ask.

Extra Sensory Perception in my opinion is the rabbit hole of rabbit holes to go into, and consciousness studies, parapsychology, meta-analysis, meditation, audio, gratitude, love, trying to learn how to be truly alive, expanding the awareness, mindfulness tools, psychology, science (included “pseudo” and quantum of course! (eye roll perhaps), medicine, religions, rituals, the paranormal…just name it and if it has in any way to do with “Consciousness Expansion” because I want to try at least to grasp a better understanding of things i have been curious about my whole life…I want to write about it and post it here because I figure there are other spiritual beings like me out there in the ether of all that exists, who know there is more going on, and want to learn about what it could be. 

My theory of everything currently is quite far out there and based entirely on only my own perspective. I wrote this ("What I Believe" link) prior to this Esoteric Student journey as a way to reflect on, and sit with any changes at various times…such as this time.

Everyone who does want to learn more and begin their journey can because anyone can be their own Esoteric Student.

It is this path I am choosing to challenge, probe, discover, and learn about. I am going within the universal flow which is a stream we can all tune in to. It's knowing how to stay there…ironically by learning to let go. Which is something I struggle with. 

So this is where I am introducing a format of deep dives with which I wish to go with from this Esoteric Student full-(re)launch moving forward. I will be posting various multiple things about many things. And I am really looking forward to presenting aspects of what my deep dives are into.

Everyone who would like to…can follow the same stream of consciousness as my own by keeping an eye out on my reading updates when I begin a new book, meditation, or virtual reality events, zoom or live stream YouTube for example. 

You see, this is where writing helps me so much, such as journaling, drawing, creating, and sharing. It helps me to really process and sit with everything. 

It also helps me during the moments, from an observer's perspective, (sometimes at least) because I want to take in as much as I can. Which at times can be way too much. And at other times…it is I who can be too much!

I am Autistic, among other things including ADHD. I can get very paranoid so there may be more to it than is diagnosed, so I shouldn't speculate. I am also hyper-sensitive, I have fewer filters, so need more time to process. I hope you see my point of needing a release, writing then pressing that send button on here, Esoteric Student is that release.

It is a tool.

Why do I wish to remain anonymous? 

This is where things get tricky. And illuminating from my perspective because being so rigid on the subject of anonymity is for good solid reasons…or so I thought. And I still do in a lot of ways, but I am now looser on this topic than I was in August 2021.

So much has happened since then (I keep repeating this to myself).

When starting out I knew that in order to be liberated enough to keep this process of exploring and writing on as truer a journey as possible I had to be able to not worry too much about being judged or offending anyone, like a family member for example.

Or to be steered away from my primary path by friends too…

I am aware how this next part may be taken in all sorts of directions in itself...but I didn’t want any friends; for the same reasons as above, plus a couple of more reasons too.

Being someone who uses this blog as a tool, concept, idea…I feel it is important to maintain the integrity of the experiences, readings, conversations, interactions and meetings I share here on Esoteric Student…in the ways, a journalistic approach may be utilised. So in order to maintain some order and add a layer of simplicity…I was able to maintain this for a while. Kept my distance so to speak, and times when I just couldn’t speak (literally). Or I did speak too much (still do!).

But having such a narrow unfulfillment-laced bone-headed approach such as that misses the whole point of this journey entirely.

I have met many people in the time since August 2021, and have made some great friendships, and lost some too. I'm grateful for the lessons, and ongoing learning from those close.

I have many stories to tell over the coming weeks, months, and years. Our story together will be told…using this tool to be known as Esoteric Student.

What’s coming up after this post is a period of time required to settle into a new routine and ways of streamlining how I work, to become more efficient. Some of it will work and some of it won’t, but that is also the journey.

Now…my intentions are to just investigate with curiosity about things I don't know about and to see where it leads.

Sitting here writing this now is still from a state of preparing to unleash my thirst of losing myself in all-encompassing interests with curiosity for knowledge.

It might seem funny to say…but when I release this writing and press publish…everything changes at that moment…that one present moment…but does the present moment even exist? Because it doesn't feel real to finally be here…I am finally fucking here! And it doesn't feel real…surreal…..

Being present…being in the moment…the present moment…general awareness…consciously aware…being aware and mindful of consciousness…flow…stream of consciousness…in my uneducated opinion can each be viewed in many different ways as many different things to many different beings depending on how each of us view languages and words. When we're being fully present…are we aware that we are within the slice of being present during…before it, or after it…?

I must end this very first post with a new fresh view of life as it began. With my deepest gratitude to everyone who has ever helped me to get to be sitting in this chair, at this desk, in this house, in this life.

I understand this post will be underwhelming for some but at this point, I just need to get the weight of publishing my first post from this new stage of my life,  which has created a self-expectation bar higher than I can reach in one post and I have stressed myself out over it enough to need to just get past this first post-hang-up so I can post more about specific subjects.

Thank you to everybody who has helped me.