Universal Grattitude and Saying Goodbye

I have been taking some time away from social media and virtual reality now that VitalCon is out of the way and I have been having a really long hard look at my life and surroundings.

Taking the space I need has been a welcome break, and clarity-inducing, prompting me to realise that the direction I am headed, isn't necessarily the way I want to go, in fact, I have seemed to have taken a huge detour and have lost myself to some degree. This break has lifted a weight off of my shoulders, and I have been making progress in my non-virtual reality life, away from the communities who have been such awesome support over these almost few years of this journey. 

When I first was introduced to the notion of impermanence, I resisted and tried to argue that from another perspective, once something exists, although it may transform into different things, that original something still will always and forever be in existence. I think both things are true. Nothing stays the same forever, but the something that it was is still something.

I have spent the last couple and a bit years deeply embedded with multiple virtual reality communities, like Together with Tripp, and Vitality ReAwakened.

But now it is time to say goodbye, take a step back unto thyself, and dampen the flow of cosmic energy and information which has been bombarding my mind and senses.

Something I haven't, but have wanted to, is written on this blog about physical and mental health, and well-being. 

Essentially, at the core, it's why I needed to begin Esoteric Student.

The seeking, searching, exploring, discovering, learning, practices, and religions, all comes down to the temple which is the self; the physical-and-mental-self-health.

Which is (in my opinion), the most esoterical study a person can do, because it is all we can do.

It is doing the 'thing', we are all trying to just do the 'thing'; I mean, at least, I know I'm trying to.

So what I am saying goodbye to, is Discord. I struggle socially, I know I do, but I don't always do the knowing at the same time as I'm doing the doing. And I can be a very ugly person on occasion. 

Esoteric Garden created by Anita; Finding Nimzy in VRChat

While I am taking the time I need, and doing some analysis, the vast majority of the negative situations stem from interactions via messaging using text. And I stopped using Facebook in any meaningful way quite some time ago. I can get quite passionate about things. I can have difficulties in reading tone. I overthink replies, and the edit feature on Discord allows for exacerbating it. I can get confused on knowing how to reply, and process interactions. And the list goes on. I think some of these things are related to my being autistic, and quite severely ADHD, along with a couple of other things.

I will keep my Discord account and check it every once in a while, and is the best way I have to keep up to date on events I enjoy attending, but for the most part, I am reverting back to my pre-Discord position of keeping all of my contact, relationships, and interactions with the virtual reality communities, virtual reality only.

Impermanence enters the equation due to my situation in life now, it is vastly different now compared to a few years ago. I'm now feeling somewhat settled into a new home, which I have only just begun to fix up and make it mine. 

I have new goals and ambitions in regard to this new home.

Something also has changed, and I have realised that I have become so distracted by virtual reality projects, narratives, and egotistical aspirations, that as I touched on at the start of this writing, I have lost my way, and who I am.

So, during this Discord hiatus, while planning out how I want my home to be, sat in my study/office, I also sat in my library, surrounded by many books, many great books of knowledge and intrigue.

While I was in a rough situation for a couple of years before moving home, I collected but was too distracted to get stuck really deeply into these pages, and I found myself using virtual reality and the communities as a distraction that I am only just waking up from now.

I didn't want to be a host, have an event in VR etc. 

What I wanted was to use virtual reality to learn, explore, discover, observe, and commune. And I also wanted to lose myself in my books, to review, write, make a video here and there, have the chance to do some interviews with people.

So these are the things I am now settled enough to concentrate on doing, on my own terms and timeline. And all while blocking out the noise of the things which no longer serve me.

There may or may not be another Medoké on the horizon, I'm not sure yet, but anyone can do that, it is just a concept, with the whole point in mind being, that everyone can do it, and anyone can. To be honest, the event at VitalCon is a heck of a high to go out on,. given its success and turnout. Of which, the video of the whole event is incoming, have no doubt about that.

The calendar of events I have the intention of providing will be watered down, and have the events I am going to, rather than getting lost down the black hole of trying to keep up with every event I can find listed. So I can concentrate on the things I want to do without burning out. My house and life away from all this included, of course. This isn't my job.

I don't want to be a widely known, or popular personality, or public figure, to get paid to do these things by monetising anything and losing my integrity and purpose. Heck, it is all reasons why I choose to remain anonymous also. I tried to come out and found it so terribly uncomfortable. Those who know, know, and those who don't, don't.

I'm passionately grateful for my time on Discord, and grateful to those who have provided and fostered the space for many people to share in some truly amazing and beautiful things together on their servers.

It is important to not misunderstand the words I'm writing, and what you're reading on this statement post. I am the issue that I have. The problem isn't with Discord, nor the communities, or the people, the beautiful and peaceful people. 

I have never come across such wonderful groups of individuals on the internet, at all. 

I am still going to be within their ranks and continue to interact, share, laugh, love, and enjoy their presence in my life, and I hope they feel the same way about me too!

Many of whom will be introduced to the pages within this humble blog of mine over time. 

I have a deep, meaningful, and real love for these human beings, I wouldn't be here without them, they have helped get me through some of the toughest times of my life. 

And so I know they understand that I must be Saying Goodbye to what I am.

Saying Goodbye has a very special place in my heart...because it is the name of an event I go to when I can stay up late enough to, run by a very special person, Tom Nickel, as part of his son's, Jeremy Nickel's, creative vision, who is the founder of Together With Tripp, formerly known as EvolVR.

Their work has had an incredible impact not just on mine, but on scores of people's lives all over the world. So I can highly recommend attending some of their events available not just in virtual reality, but on mobile, PC, Discord, and Spotify too thanks to their excellent event session leaders who are the best in the world at what they do. Bleeding edge stuff.

So with all that out of the way...

Until next time friends!

As the Dust Settles on a Magical First Vitality ReAwakened: VitalCon 2024

Wow, now the dust is settling well and truly on the experience of collaborating on my most recent adventure with Vitality ReAwakened, I feel fully satisfied of its...our, success.

I don't mean, success under one or more variable circumstance, I mean it in totality. This first VitalCon was awesome. This is from a perspective of the inside, behind the curtains, under the shrouded veil, so-to-speak.

Kinks in the chain did happen at certain intervals, but the ways resolutions appeared, appeased all parties became in fascinating, creative ways.

Everybody was able to grow in a great variety of ways, personally and collectively.

And I do mean everyone.

The creative team, organiser's, guest's, were made up of persons I have known for a good while now, who I appreciate, respect, and admire.

It was also made up of people who we are both new to me, as I to them, but now are familiar to one-another...and who now have my respect.

Are there things which could be done differently, yes, for sure, but not better than. Not for a first-time event as big as this.

14 different events of 3 days...let that sink in for a moment...

organised in around 3 months...vr assets included in that.

(I still am trying to let it sink in too!)

It began on January Third with the Opening Event, with Vitality ReAwakened Founder, Anita[FindingNimzy], who presented us with a very well produced video providing an overview titled Dream Journey of a Founder: The Road She Thought She Was Taking Led Somewhere Entirely Unexpected.

Visit: https://www.vitalityreawakened.com

It set the tone and vibe for, and throughout, the duration of VitalCon 2024.

Being part of something like this, has had a great impact on me, as you will come to see over the coming months via future blog posts, and a much larger project TBA.

The planning team really blossomed and by the finale it was obvious that relationships have been forged that go beyond that of which we were familiar of each other with.

There will of course be next year's VitalCon 2025! (That is all I can say on that front for now;)

The stars of the show were of course, our visitors, friends, family but all are our guests.

Everybody that attended showed many a great thing but grace, patience, presence, and kindness.

I attended every event but two. And it was amazing and humbling, which is our community in a nut shell.

Not one problem to be seen anywhere, from anyone.

Need I go on, or say more?

Sure, okay, it was fantastic to bare witness to.

And you might think this is a rare, or radical thing to be telling you, telling myself even; but it's not, and hasn't since day one of being in this community, or close by. 

The opposite, the rarity is the other, so rare that I as I write this cannot think of an example. 

But as I write this I do realise that this writing is radically profound of a thing to stop and put even more of a focus on this fact, than I already do...just incredible.

And definitely worth highlighting for anyone not in one of these communities, or can't understand, or visualise it, or VR.

I will be doing more of that.

Bravo to those who know, and were present.

To close this post up, here's an awesome recap created by Anita.

Indeed, They Are Only Getting Started!

And Vitality ReAwakened host's multiple weekly events.

If you would like to keep up to date on all things Vitality ReAwakened, and VitalCon 2025, join their Discord server here: https://discord.com/invite/uwTysFzEsu

VitalCon 2024 Reveal Party!

I am so hyped to invite you all to an event that is a multi-collaboration, only made possible by the amazing Vitality ReAwakened community.

This makes it Esoteric Student's very first foray at being involved in live events!

The VitalCon 2024's Reveal Party, November 18, 2023, on Engage XR and VRChat to kick off this wholesome Vitality ReAwakened multi-day January 4-6th celebration-of-self event.

Step into a mesmerizing virtual realm where pulsating beats & electrifying rhythms converge in this dreamscape dance party where we reveal big news!

#VitalCon2024 "From Vision to Vitality – Your Journey Into Change"

Engage XR:VR, PC, Mobile
VRChat: VR, PC

This Event is Sponsored by Educators In VR

The Global Soul Weeps, & PSI Spies by Jim Marrs (Reading Update)

Prior to advancing further in this post, the title I have chosen to use at the top of this is to aknowledge all the suffering which is being inflicted on the human race; both ongoing and new conflicts which are arising leave me speechless, but unsurprised...given it being prophesised for a very long time now.

Since my previous post a lot has been happening behind the scenes at Esoteric Student HQ, and while I don't want to be that "coming soon" guy permanently without delivering the goods; I will be that for this post and the next post to Esoteric Student will be the announcing of said projects, including collaborations i'm super excited about.

The time of year is upon us once again to readjust, hibernate a little bit, and begin to reflect on our journeys from the summer of 2023. For me, this includes a great deal of gratitude and holding space for the beautiful human beings who has assisted me in getting to this stage of my life; which is worlds away from how the year began. It is emotionally, and mentally overwhelming to try to break everything back down into individual merits in a single mammoth sized writing.

In return, and in my own ways, you will begin to witness and perhaps be part of the projects intended that spread gratitude and love which has been shown to me, back into the universe.

For now, I wish you each a wonderful Halloween, and hopefully more treats than tricks.

I myself am attending a few events in virtual reality with my friends and members of the wider health and well-being community in VRChat, Engage XR, Rec Room, and the meta platform to name a few.

If you would like to become involved in the communities, you don't need to own a VR headset as most can be attended via mobile, pc, and Discord live channels.

You can send me an email @ Hello@esotericstudent.com if you would like to also begin your journey with some seriously amazing people across the globe.

But be sure to keep your eyes peeled for the next post to keep up to date with events and opportunity to join in.

Reading Update: PSI Spies by Jim Marrs

 "PSI SPIES will take you behind the scenes of the U.S. Army's formerly top-secret remote viewing unit to discover how the military has used this psychic ability as a tool and a weapon. Despite the fact that remote viewing was developed by various tax-supported U.S. government agencies, including the CIA, the Defence Intelligence Agency and even the U. S. Army, a majority of people still have never heard of this faculty. In the 1970's, with the support of Congress, The Army formed a small unitof remote viewers to spy for America. These soldiers/psychic spies gained penetrating knowledge about a wide variety of subjects. They were consulted to stop a Soviet plot to kill President Ronald Reagan. They mentally prowled the halls of the Kremlin. They probed Iraq's hidden weapons sites in preparation for the 1991 Gulf War. From insights into our future to the continuing mysteries of UFO's and crop circles, no subject has been immune to the military remote viewers the Psi Spies."

My Very Own Zen Garden

These past couple of months have been unbelievably productive and positive, aaalmost in the entirety of said time.

But in terms of Esoteric Student there isn't a great deal I can post about on here…yet.

The past couple of weeks I have chilled and wound down. I have taken the time I need to sort out some medical and health challenges. I also have taken the time to not write, read, meditate or study in general, but instead concentrate on fixing my house up and unpacking. 

And I have been painting and sorting my garden out, as you can see in the images. 

My whole house will be amazing eventually. I began with the garden due to my Jack Russell dog was having issues with the large gravel. She has a bad back leg. 

I was told by a friend to "follow the bees". Thus I did oblige by starting at the fuchsia which was a valuable aid to the honey bees and bumblebees this season. It wasn't a good one for the bees this year, unfortunately.

My very own zen garden!

We all need a break, and we all differ as to what that break is. 

Some people go on a vacation, some go for long walks, others might go for a night out on the town, etc…

Personally, I go radio silent for a while online and try to give my mind as much of a rest as I can by limiting information onboarding so I can process the past couple, to a few months.

Painting my zen garden is really therapeutic. It isn't just any fence, it's my fence, my first own fence, in my first garden. :) 

I want to get the painting done before the winter, which is also the start of the interior of my home.

Once I am caught back up with my real-life self, I can then once again dive back into the depths of my studies feeling refreshed.

Until next time friends.

The Road Ahead, (VR) Virtual Reality & Community, New Esoteric Student Logo, Stalking the Wild Pendulum by Itzhak Bentov, Bhagavad-Gita As it is (1972) by Swami Prabhupada

I am grateful because a pattern is forming within a hopeful new routine. I have been dismayed at how long it's taking me to adjust to my new surroundings since moving home, but not now I'm noticing some structure to my life.

I am working on a few different projects for the blog. 

Each project is really positive and beneficial to not just myself but for others too. 

Things such as a live event in virtual reality, and writings on my experiences with and in vr, a long form book, an article on mindful beekeeping, book studies, people profiles and interviews, and more; all take time but are underway. But I do also just tend to take longer than most to do things in general. Which is odd as I always feel like I am rushing.

I would also like to get a video started soon.

Playing around with some new logo ideas. This one incorporates the moon

One priority, away from Esoteric Student, in my life is getting my new home into good order as it was far from that when I moved here…and it still is far from it. Especially as I am just a tad concerned about winter and the temperatures.

I realise that many of these update posts may not get read and I am good with that because aside from the Esoteric Student Facebook page which has followers left over from a previous users project, I am being a hopeful romantic about trying to keep things as organic as possible by word of mouth, organic search results etc.

I think it is not very likely to make a ripple from a micro-droplet given how technology and the internet is saturated with creators far more talented and interesting than I, who make use of the resources such as ad placements, and professionals.

I was recently asked a question at a regular writing meeting (in virtual reality) “who am i writing to?”

Meaning who do I feel is my audience?

It is a great question…I thought I had an answer for her but impermanence has done it's thing because it isn’t the same as when I started this path. I would say that it was to nobody, i just needed he action of pressing send, and putting it out into the ether like a message in a bottle.

I didn’t know anyone who may be reading what I write so chose to be anonymous instead just in case someone I know reads it and caused arguments or something of that ilk.

But in the past week I have arrived at the answer that I am writing to those I have met along the way up to this point now.

And I do know some of those people whose eyes may glance my scribbles from time to time. So I am changing my perspective and anwser to the question, I am starting to write friends.

I also revealed myself to a group of people who have supported me through these past couple of years, and whom I am going to be posting a lot about soon. They were once called EvolVR and now they are known as the “Together With Tripp” Community..

Who is Together With Tripp?

It is a privilege to say that I am a part of a truly amazing community and example of the good which can come of utilising virtual reality. Quite simply put, Together With Tripp is VR done right. And the best thing is you dont even need a virtual reality headset to become a part of the bleeding edge movement of the digital revolution in mental, and phsyical health and wellbeing. The events can be accessed via mobile devices and pc also, all for free!

I'm testament to it, and witness the transformation in all kind of people from all walks and locations of, and in, life; time and time again.

From their website they are: "Together with TRIPP. We are the largest live VR meditation community in the world, with weekly live events across the metaverse, on platforms such as VRchat, Rec Room and Horizon Worlds. We build a safe environment for people to connect and collectively support each other’s emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being. Join us in VR or even from your desktop and experience group meditations and activities without leaving your home."

I hold a huge debt of gratitude to these kind and gentle beings, and people I have met along the yellow brick road thus far from other communities in virtual reality.

Virtual reality has done great things for my life and I also am writing and will be posting a lot about.

There are other communities too of course. I frequent a few regularly, There is the Vitality Reawakened Community, MUSE, a Creative Writing Community, a VR Mystery School, and others of which I am writing stories of but not yet as I am trying to write as linearly as I can about the past.

I am still trying to find my writing style, and still toying with the format and times between posts so please be patient with me.

My latest reads are:

Stalking the Wild Pendulum by Itzhak Bentov.

Synopisis: In his exciting and original view of the universe, Itzhak Bentov has provided a new perspective on human consciousness and its limitless possibilities. Widely known and loved for his delightful humor and imagination, Bentov explains the familiar world of phenomena with perceptions that are as lucid as they are thrilling. He gives us a provocative picture of ourselves in an expanded, conscious, holistic universe.

&

Bhagavad-GIta As it is (1972) by His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada

Synopsis: The Bhagavad-gita is universally renowned as the jewel of India's spiritual wisdom. Spoken by Lord Krishna, the Supreme Personality of Godhead to His intimate disciple Arjuna, the Gita's seven hundred concise verses provide a definitive guide to the science of self realization. No other philosophical or religious work reveals, in such a lucid and profound way, the nature of consciousness, the self, the universe and the Supreme. His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada is uniquely qualified to present this English translation and commentary on Bhagavad-gita. He is the world's foremost Vedic scholar and teacher, and he is also the current representative of an unbroken chain of fully self-realized spiritual masters beginning with Lord Krishna Himself. Thus, unlike other editions of the Gita, this one is presented as it is--without the slightest taint of adulteration or personal motivation. This edition is certain to stimulate and enlighten with its ancient yet thoroughly timely message.

These will take me some time to get through and attempt to digest at least some of what these books contain.

I am now using the Gateway Tapes daily but still only the first volume. But I have noticed that when actively paying attention to my hearing and the sounds around me that I can seperate the sound and focus on them into one specific reverberation. Which has now assisted me upon my own intention of capturing sounds, and working on them to produce an undertone to sample in a meditation sound idea I have and aspiration to act upon producing.

I haven't decided which sounds yet, and of course this sublevel track can be added to any number of other recording I can make of the ocean, wind, rain etc, It should be barely audiable to begin my tests with until I discover which of the recording it is most suited to complimenting.

Until next time friends!

Thank you.

The Trifecta of Mystery =?

Who are we?...What are we?...What are we a part of?

This past twenty three months has been so eye opening, emotionally intense, and educational. On August 7th 2021 I wrote my first Esoteric Student post and made a couple more posts prior to hitting upon the idea of pausing to write about my perspective on a “theory of everything” as it appears to me.

I did this so I can return to it at a later date and see how much my view changes with time and the deeper I seek as I investigate more and more. I published this article on August 21st 2021, and already between then and now so much has happened that my perspective…and opinion, has shifted. 

I wrote my article with the intention of writing an updated version at some point in the future, however I didn’t expect it to be quite so soon as the NOW is. I realise that while I have some bias towards exploring subjects which I feel may support or dismiss my theories out of hand; I still do not know where exactly my studies are going to take me and what I am going to find.

My goal is to edge towards the truth, and facts regardless of if it is shown to support or deny what I find, and write about, prior to the findings of new information. And that is the “journey” I refer to being on, following the yellow brick road.

But I cannot present my progressive current understandings in a single crudely written post as I did before. This is the role the blog plays, so I can go deep.

Ultimately my main focus is consciousness but at times upcoming, it may not be overtly apparent that what I write and produce is related at all.

This is of course a fictitious diagram and not based on fact

Consciousness: What do I think?

What are we?

Is a question with few words, and yet contained within is a theory of everything. 

There are two more questions which in my opinion “almost” completes a trifecta.

What is our purpose?

What are we a part of?

For me they are the keys needed to induce the most profoundly important and reality shattering mental, and physical exercises in my journey of personal development and expansion.

Trifecta definition: I say that those three questions are “almost” a trifecta because the original use of the word “trifecta” was for making bets on horses. A trifecta means to correctly pick the first, second, and third place finishers at the races, in the correct order. The use of it is now much expanded upon and utilised in many different ways.

But in this instance I am choosing to use it with a question mark (?), due to the complexity and my being unsure with which order, if any, my three questions are appropriately queried.

What are we? What are we a part of? What is our purpose?

They could each be considered to be the same core head-scratching thing. 

Yet they also are quite a vastly different question from one-another, especially when expanded upon. I think?

Just like everybody else, I have so many questions to which I ponder over routinely and I do think I  know can not truly be answered…currently and not in my physical forms lifetime, but we keep on trying to. 

I feel that I keep coming back to such existential and innate trains of thought with a curiosity of warmth and comfort. It is as if my mind belongs to wonder, to see without using phsyical eyes. My mind is loose enough to drift, to flow through…to flow through what?

To flow through something of which I am not able to specify with true accuracy, maybe not any accuracy at all, in fact.

I mean…how i see it currently is super simple in that the matter of that which we are a habitat of physically, meaning bacteria, germs, and all that we are host to; there are good germs, and bad germs which are limited to their situation, they are trapped so to speak.

Now imagine if they were sentient, just as a fun thought and for the sake of this odd writings of mine.

Our body is kinda like their universe, and they are asking the same questions I am here…

Unless they built a germ/bacteria friendly little submarine, managed to use it to exite out our earhole to get a first hand eye witness account of their container, even take photographs and videos on their little germ equipment; and the returned by popping back in to show their population (which is also our own population within us we are host to) what they are apart of, how could they truly know?

They may try to do the same things us earthling humans do amongst our population?

Methods of which I am exploring and going to be writing about on Esoteric Student over the coming years.

My mind is so entangled with such subjects that other questions arise because if those bacteria do escape and bear witness to us, they would then also see that there is a landscape which holds host to us too. Kinda like macro and micro observation of the eternal sort. you know, we could just keep zooming out, and keep zooming in without end in the attempt of removing layers, but only getting as far as revealing new (to us) layers.

Questions, Questions, Questions…

“If the only part of ‘no contact’ that exists is the meaning of those words themselves when being put into the order I just wrote them in, is this an abstract paragraph in its claims?” 

Or is the notion of ‘contactless’ the true abstraction?

Meaning, do us humans commonly accept that we all blindly lead into the illusion of distance between physical objects and biological materials? 

I think it depends on a person's perspective and personal “theory of everything” but when challenged I wonder how concrete they are when defending the position of being opposite to the facts on the universal scale, and the microscopic, or even the vibrational frequency level, and quantum science?

Acknowledging, Accepting, Denying…hmmm…these things are tricky, one of my biggest issues to work on during my spiritual practice has been “Letting go”...

Is accepting a part of letting go?

If it is, does that mean the other side of the same coin is “Denial”?

Or is the key to letting go being able to do neither of those things by “Acknowledging” only?

Is accepting and denying the same as yes, and no, true, or false, real, and not real?

Is it ok, or is it not ok to ponder such a thing?

Are all of those things judgments in reality based on just what the limit of being perceivably perceptive of the brightest of us?

What judgments have you made while reading this? 

What judgments are you making right now?

Is every action and reaction a judgment based off of the limitations of available to us data at any one moment? 

Is everything we do a judgment of the future, one moment after the next?

My Journey as the Esoteric Student...Thus Far

After some false starts and searching for my subject and topic of choice to find my path inward and "the in" things, are beginning to flow. And surprisingly to me, I'm unsure how I am feeling about it. But why?

Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash

Well, it's because I am finding synchronicity, and signals that I am now on the most appropriate course to find answers to things that I suspected, and felt that I already knew, of which are the reasons I chose to begin Esoteric Student. And it's a tad bit scary, but for all the right reasons.

You see, the posts that I made prior to this very moment were all about my experiences and feelings of events in my past, which raised questions I needed to answer. And I have written about them in my own language, descriptors, explanations, and understandings. And nothing else. Meaning in the sense of having no knowledge or research of anything considered esoteric to speak of. But, I also have had nobody to relate to, or speak to, or to share with. Zero studying. Zip, nada, nothing. Heck, prior to my calling to this path, I didn't even know what the word esoteric meant. Seriously!

Since beginning Esoteric Student, I have been blindly taking nibbles out of various avenues of esoteric sub-genres, trying to connect with what feels right and organic for me, in order to settle in. Thus, I have now found what I have been looking for. I have also been working on it, and without saying to much about it yet for the sake of the project I have in store for this particular subject, it feels like "the one."

I know this because of the same reasons which are scary/unsettling to me. What I have written about previously, I am now finding information, tales, stories, journeys, data, files, evidence, and language terms, of, about, for, and to, what I have experienced in my life. But I used all my own words, descriptions, interpretations, understandings, and explanations, due to the lack of knowledge and research on, and into such matters. With frightening accuracy.

It is things that I simply could not have ever known about from second-hand information picked up from other people. If it was, I would never have used sentences claiming that I feel some of my perspectives and opinions were entirely unique to only me and that I needed to begin this journey to seek the answers to things encountered in my past, and present, which are profoundly critical to me to a degree of creating websites, blogs, pages, social media accounts. And more importantly, anonymously (for the most part) for fearing of being accused of being completely insane, and needing liberation from the risks the territory poses. For the sake of needing to be as brutally honest with myself while embarking on this undertaking.

And I will prove all of it, but finding the words requires formulation, and a period of acceptance on my part because although I know exactly what I experience, past and present, to be pure truth, in every ounce of my being, it is quite another thing to find confirmation by others. Those others are authors, prominent speakers, in interviews, podcasts, tv programs, documentaries, people who were in the military and government agencies, declassified scientists...and many more places to be found I'm sure. But the things that are truly profound for me, are few...so far. But are speaking, and teaching of things that are identical to the truth I know, without doubt, because I have experienced it, but described in different words. But only because I never knew terminologies coined by legitimate teachers and experiencers who also know the truth. Without question in my opinion and knowledge.

And that brings me full circle to where I am currently in my investigations. Initially, I feared people would think I'm insane, but now I am finding my way, I keep thinking to myself that this is insane! But nonetheless undeniable. I feel like I am finally finding my place on this journey of being an Esoteric Student. 

A Part of Life is Apart From Death, For Some

What do you mean? I can hear myself being asked as I write this. Death is a part of life; it is the socially accepted standardized rationale of a civilized westerner. Wisdom is seen within an answer such as the aforementioned, it seems logical, I suppose. While it's true that death is a part of life, unfortunately; it's also an ignorant, blinding, blanket veiled answer, and woefully inconsiderate: because circumstances matter.

Photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash

In nature, animalistic and wild, life and death are intertwined, eat or be eaten, kill or be killed. Or flight and freeze are two other natural reactions in the face of peril and certain demise. As a human being, I accept that and I am intelligent enough to be sentiant, which also means that I am smart enough to understand that aside from me, and you, and what we are born as, hunting prey and killing is required in the wild.

While it is true that hunting for food is natural, humans and any other lifeform that has to survive by killing is a part of life, and always has been.

But then there comes killing for reasons other than for food, or survival. For power, and for land, and territory. It is also a very natural element for the survival of the fittest. Humans and animals are no different there either, and again it is a part of life and living.

Then, we come to those who kill, the killers, the truly awful hardcore murderous species on our planet, bloodthirsty and numb to travesty, pain, suffering, and cruelty. Animals, I have to close my words regarding them before I move to the point I am hopefully going to make through this article. Animals do kill for fun also, not just for necessity, like cats for example. Are they aware and conscious of what they are doing? Yes, of course, but I will say no more about degrees of animal intelligence and their blood-lusting-hobbies; because how can I compare animals to humans on such matters? I can't, given our superiority, our dominance, and our intelligence.

So while death is a part of life, in the most natural sense, we all die right? Of course, but typically that means, to those sensibilities and what I know to be the peaceful day-to-day life of a U.K. westerner, who has never fired a rifle or pistol (minus once as a range), or tried to murder anyone. So you see, I am one of the "for some" who is apart from death in every sense besides dying when I get old, or ill, or some terrible accident. While others are not apart from death, in life.

This, which I am writing, and you are reading, has stemmed from a video, and in this video, people are being slaughtered again, the same as a million other videos of the same shit, day-in, and day-out. This time on Youtube, which won't allow a barcode on a box of a vaping device to be shown because it's deemed???? Whatever Youtube deems it, I cant understand why, other than Youtube being paid off by cigarette companies and lobbyists most likely. But I digress. 

The video in question was this time footage from Ukraine, and I wasn't going to touch on this topic here. But how can I not when so much exposure to it is unavoidable. I just cannot process or comprehend wtf is going on with humans murdering other humans, and what they are all being put through. Every single human, all the deaths, military and civilians, children, elders, disabled persons, and pregnant women. The soldiers on all sides, the politicians, all of them, and everything is allowed to happen. I'm beyond baffled. We aren't the same as any other animal on this planet. 

 For others around the world, and England also, the not so fortunate, or the deranged, going around stabbing one another like nothing, without a second thought. I just can't fathom how anyone can take a life that isn't yours to take? ANY LIFE.

What makes the actions sicker, and what inspired me to write this, are the comments on these videos and posts. People having a laugh, making jokes, and sharing touches of humour of a disposition crazy enough to literally vomit. It's as if my brain doesn't have the capacity to allow myself to remotely view or channel what must be going through these poor people's minds. Victims and offenders alike.

We have reached a point as a species that was and violence should have been something of distant history, and we should have gotten past all of that by now. I'm weeping from my soul, my heart and I'm just so disappointed, I don't have an ounce of anything close to relatability to those who commit, command, and allow such atrocities to happen. Globally, not one person, or location, or race, all of them.

Shame on you, humans, shame on you.