The Road Ahead, (VR) Virtual Reality & Community, New Esoteric Student Logo, Stalking the Wild Pendulum by Itzhak Bentov, Bhagavad-Gita As it is (1972) by Swami Prabhupada

I am grateful because a pattern is forming within a hopeful new routine. I have been dismayed at how long it's taking me to adjust to my new surroundings since moving home, but not now I'm noticing some structure to my life.

I am working on a few different projects for the blog. 

Each project is really positive and beneficial to not just myself but for others too. 

Things such as a live event in virtual reality, and writings on my experiences with and in vr, a long form book, an article on mindful beekeeping, book studies, people profiles and interviews, and more; all take time but are underway. But I do also just tend to take longer than most to do things in general. Which is odd as I always feel like I am rushing.

I would also like to get a video started soon.

Playing around with some new logo ideas. This one incorporates the moon

One priority, away from Esoteric Student, in my life is getting my new home into good order as it was far from that when I moved here…and it still is far from it. Especially as I am just a tad concerned about winter and the temperatures.

I realise that many of these update posts may not get read and I am good with that because aside from the Esoteric Student Facebook page which has followers left over from a previous users project, I am being a hopeful romantic about trying to keep things as organic as possible by word of mouth, organic search results etc.

I think it is not very likely to make a ripple from a micro-droplet given how technology and the internet is saturated with creators far more talented and interesting than I, who make use of the resources such as ad placements, and professionals.

I was recently asked a question at a regular writing meeting (in virtual reality) “who am i writing to?”

Meaning who do I feel is my audience?

It is a great question…I thought I had an answer for her but impermanence has done it's thing because it isn’t the same as when I started this path. I would say that it was to nobody, i just needed he action of pressing send, and putting it out into the ether like a message in a bottle.

I didn’t know anyone who may be reading what I write so chose to be anonymous instead just in case someone I know reads it and caused arguments or something of that ilk.

But in the past week I have arrived at the answer that I am writing to those I have met along the way up to this point now.

And I do know some of those people whose eyes may glance my scribbles from time to time. So I am changing my perspective and anwser to the question, I am starting to write friends.

I also revealed myself to a group of people who have supported me through these past couple of years, and whom I am going to be posting a lot about soon. They were once called EvolVR and now they are known as the “Together With Tripp” Community..

Who is Together With Tripp?

It is a privilege to say that I am a part of a truly amazing community and example of the good which can come of utilising virtual reality. Quite simply put, Together With Tripp is VR done right. And the best thing is you dont even need a virtual reality headset to become a part of the bleeding edge movement of the digital revolution in mental, and phsyical health and wellbeing. The events can be accessed via mobile devices and pc also, all for free!

I'm testament to it, and witness the transformation in all kind of people from all walks and locations of, and in, life; time and time again.

From their website they are: "Together with TRIPP. We are the largest live VR meditation community in the world, with weekly live events across the metaverse, on platforms such as VRchat, Rec Room and Horizon Worlds. We build a safe environment for people to connect and collectively support each other’s emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being. Join us in VR or even from your desktop and experience group meditations and activities without leaving your home."

I hold a huge debt of gratitude to these kind and gentle beings, and people I have met along the yellow brick road thus far from other communities in virtual reality.

Virtual reality has done great things for my life and I also am writing and will be posting a lot about.

There are other communities too of course. I frequent a few regularly, There is the Vitality Reawakened Community, MUSE, a Creative Writing Community, a VR Mystery School, and others of which I am writing stories of but not yet as I am trying to write as linearly as I can about the past.

I am still trying to find my writing style, and still toying with the format and times between posts so please be patient with me.

My latest reads are:

Stalking the Wild Pendulum by Itzhak Bentov.

Synopisis: In his exciting and original view of the universe, Itzhak Bentov has provided a new perspective on human consciousness and its limitless possibilities. Widely known and loved for his delightful humor and imagination, Bentov explains the familiar world of phenomena with perceptions that are as lucid as they are thrilling. He gives us a provocative picture of ourselves in an expanded, conscious, holistic universe.

&

Bhagavad-GIta As it is (1972) by His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada

Synopsis: The Bhagavad-gita is universally renowned as the jewel of India's spiritual wisdom. Spoken by Lord Krishna, the Supreme Personality of Godhead to His intimate disciple Arjuna, the Gita's seven hundred concise verses provide a definitive guide to the science of self realization. No other philosophical or religious work reveals, in such a lucid and profound way, the nature of consciousness, the self, the universe and the Supreme. His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada is uniquely qualified to present this English translation and commentary on Bhagavad-gita. He is the world's foremost Vedic scholar and teacher, and he is also the current representative of an unbroken chain of fully self-realized spiritual masters beginning with Lord Krishna Himself. Thus, unlike other editions of the Gita, this one is presented as it is--without the slightest taint of adulteration or personal motivation. This edition is certain to stimulate and enlighten with its ancient yet thoroughly timely message.

These will take me some time to get through and attempt to digest at least some of what these books contain.

I am now using the Gateway Tapes daily but still only the first volume. But I have noticed that when actively paying attention to my hearing and the sounds around me that I can seperate the sound and focus on them into one specific reverberation. Which has now assisted me upon my own intention of capturing sounds, and working on them to produce an undertone to sample in a meditation sound idea I have and aspiration to act upon producing.

I haven't decided which sounds yet, and of course this sublevel track can be added to any number of other recording I can make of the ocean, wind, rain etc, It should be barely audiable to begin my tests with until I discover which of the recording it is most suited to complimenting.

Until next time friends!

Thank you.

Some Thoughts from the Week or so, The Bhagavad Gita and PSI in Pyschotherapy

This has been a week of realisations

I need to be more organised and find the balance between self care, study, and other personal projects (I may or may not reveal at some point here) if I am to live a truly happy life. 

Back to basics is a must, especially now I have another epic area to explore and investigate. Sri Bhagavan, Bhagavad-Gita, The Vedas, and Hare Krishna.

I'm reading the Bhagavad-Gita by Gita press and I feel like my soul leaks and is pouring and bleeding colour out through my eyes.

As for "Bhagvad Gita As It Is", I have read the Gita parts of it but not yet the commentary as I am awaiting my copy of the 1972 version written as it originally was prior to the ISKCON troubles.

A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada is an interesting fellow. I will be doing a deep dive on him and ISKON at a later date.

So I think for now I am going to dedicate 7 day cycles as to my studies.

Another book I have been reading is "PSI in Pyschotherapy: Conventional & Nonconventional Healing of Mental Illness" by Alex Tanous, D.D., Elaine Schwinge, M.D., and Andrew F. Bambrick, Ph.D.

Synopsis: Rd. Alex Tanous (1926-1990) was an international lecturer on the topics of well-being, creativity and parapsychology. A self-professed psychich, he spent twenty years of his life being tested for his claims of 'light project' and going 'out-of-the-body' at will. He was also wellknown for placing his predictions of future events on record. This book, written in the 1980s by Tanous and colleagues, gives an overview of an innovative approach in the combined fields of conventionasl and non-conventional psychotheraputic healing."

The concept is intriguing for me due to it being two areas of interest. Psychology and Parapsychology but this a pretty dull read and I wont be spending much time writing about it. But the idea of co-working in this way has stuck in my head. 

Especially given I heavily appreciate Carl Jung's Black and Red books which I am going to writing in depth about on Esoteric Student.

Between the HIndu texts, Buddhism, Carl Gustav Jung, and my studies on consciousness and ESP, minfulness practices, a few traditional esoteric topics, hermetiscism divination, and tarot, and virtual reality, I think it is a solid foundation to be entangled with.

If I want to learn and grow I must also do more physical activity and look after myself. I must not let the main thing in my life be the blog itself. I feel the wise thing to perceive it as being is a positive byproduct of this journey I am on. A source for inspiration and progress on the self, it needs to be less than a single stress.

I need to be less egoistic, which has at times been the source of my own manifestations and has bled into my writings and soul. But fortunately I am catching myself doing it quick enough for some damage control pre-action…such as when I press the send button.

"If I was a better person" is something also to be said less and less…or is this my ego self now writing such a thing?

Currently though I have so many things I wish to do, but less and less time to do it as inevitable age caught up with me some while ago already. For this my meditation practice is not yet at a place strong enough to helping as best as I need to be helped when reading given my ADHD. So I am awaiting an appointment to go back onto medication so I can read for hours on end undisturbed. 

And it will help me to report more of how this journey is going also, and it will be non-stimulant.

It's heavy stuff I am researching and I'm not a natural at being a born-again student…I find it really hard to do what (I am faking until I make it) I'm trying to do for myself. 

I really hope many others can try to do things for themselves, even if things do get, or are hard.

Of course Life is hard…but that's the journey.

I would do well to try to remember that, I mean going back on more medication sucks, but I am harming myself by not asking for help. And that could harm others around me too…but I want to be able to keep showing up for myself, because by doing that, we opcan continue to show up for others…and I want to keep showing up for whoever may read this..out there drifting in the ether….unknowing of where it may travel…that's why I do this…for the release and weight reductions, providing I remain mindful of what I am putting out there to them…to you too. ?👁️

Today has had a beautiful full circle. Last week I was happy and grateful of being able to save a tired bumblebee lying almost lifeless on the scorching pavement. So I picked him up and shared a sugary drink with him and allowed him to rest a while before we parted ways.

This morning I received an email inviting me to a three day introduction to practical beekeeping! It is a pilot of a scheme in the works for my local area and they want feedback.

The reasons for my journey continues to evolve, I  look daily at what is happening in the world and it's becoming easier to bury my head in books and keep myself to within the small slice of this earth my home is resting upon.

We are fucked…the dystopia of the future is here, and has been for a long time. But what does "a long time" even really mean?

The more I'm reading the Hindu texts the more I am feeling sure that between such ancient knowledge, and up to the modern era of knowledge I have found what I have been looking for.

A base of areas to focus my studies on which resonates with me…stuff I can grasp (ego talking possibly).

I feel like I have confirmed that what I have discovered and experienced over the course of my life in various states of conciousness, are shared from the oldest of scriptures up to the most modern of sciences.

I feel a little lighter since having this revelation, but the question then becomes "now what?" 

Now I just want to keep learning and have a simple life. I am fortunate enough to have my time to do what whatever I want to do. And so this is what I want to do.

The Trifecta of Mystery =?

Who are we?...What are we?...What are we a part of?

This past twenty three months has been so eye opening, emotionally intense, and educational. On August 7th 2021 I wrote my first Esoteric Student post and made a couple more posts prior to hitting upon the idea of pausing to write about my perspective on a “theory of everything” as it appears to me.

I did this so I can return to it at a later date and see how much my view changes with time and the deeper I seek as I investigate more and more. I published this article on August 21st 2021, and already between then and now so much has happened that my perspective…and opinion, has shifted. 

I wrote my article with the intention of writing an updated version at some point in the future, however I didn’t expect it to be quite so soon as the NOW is. I realise that while I have some bias towards exploring subjects which I feel may support or dismiss my theories out of hand; I still do not know where exactly my studies are going to take me and what I am going to find.

My goal is to edge towards the truth, and facts regardless of if it is shown to support or deny what I find, and write about, prior to the findings of new information. And that is the “journey” I refer to being on, following the yellow brick road.

But I cannot present my progressive current understandings in a single crudely written post as I did before. This is the role the blog plays, so I can go deep.

Ultimately my main focus is consciousness but at times upcoming, it may not be overtly apparent that what I write and produce is related at all.

This is of course a fictitious diagram and not based on fact

Consciousness: What do I think?

What are we?

Is a question with few words, and yet contained within is a theory of everything. 

There are two more questions which in my opinion “almost” completes a trifecta.

What is our purpose?

What are we a part of?

For me they are the keys needed to induce the most profoundly important and reality shattering mental, and physical exercises in my journey of personal development and expansion.

Trifecta definition: I say that those three questions are “almost” a trifecta because the original use of the word “trifecta” was for making bets on horses. A trifecta means to correctly pick the first, second, and third place finishers at the races, in the correct order. The use of it is now much expanded upon and utilised in many different ways.

But in this instance I am choosing to use it with a question mark (?), due to the complexity and my being unsure with which order, if any, my three questions are appropriately queried.

What are we? What are we a part of? What is our purpose?

They could each be considered to be the same core head-scratching thing. 

Yet they also are quite a vastly different question from one-another, especially when expanded upon. I think?

Just like everybody else, I have so many questions to which I ponder over routinely and I do think I  know can not truly be answered…currently and not in my physical forms lifetime, but we keep on trying to. 

I feel that I keep coming back to such existential and innate trains of thought with a curiosity of warmth and comfort. It is as if my mind belongs to wonder, to see without using phsyical eyes. My mind is loose enough to drift, to flow through…to flow through what?

To flow through something of which I am not able to specify with true accuracy, maybe not any accuracy at all, in fact.

I mean…how i see it currently is super simple in that the matter of that which we are a habitat of physically, meaning bacteria, germs, and all that we are host to; there are good germs, and bad germs which are limited to their situation, they are trapped so to speak.

Now imagine if they were sentient, just as a fun thought and for the sake of this odd writings of mine.

Our body is kinda like their universe, and they are asking the same questions I am here…

Unless they built a germ/bacteria friendly little submarine, managed to use it to exite out our earhole to get a first hand eye witness account of their container, even take photographs and videos on their little germ equipment; and the returned by popping back in to show their population (which is also our own population within us we are host to) what they are apart of, how could they truly know?

They may try to do the same things us earthling humans do amongst our population?

Methods of which I am exploring and going to be writing about on Esoteric Student over the coming years.

My mind is so entangled with such subjects that other questions arise because if those bacteria do escape and bear witness to us, they would then also see that there is a landscape which holds host to us too. Kinda like macro and micro observation of the eternal sort. you know, we could just keep zooming out, and keep zooming in without end in the attempt of removing layers, but only getting as far as revealing new (to us) layers.

Questions, Questions, Questions…

“If the only part of ‘no contact’ that exists is the meaning of those words themselves when being put into the order I just wrote them in, is this an abstract paragraph in its claims?” 

Or is the notion of ‘contactless’ the true abstraction?

Meaning, do us humans commonly accept that we all blindly lead into the illusion of distance between physical objects and biological materials? 

I think it depends on a person's perspective and personal “theory of everything” but when challenged I wonder how concrete they are when defending the position of being opposite to the facts on the universal scale, and the microscopic, or even the vibrational frequency level, and quantum science?

Acknowledging, Accepting, Denying…hmmm…these things are tricky, one of my biggest issues to work on during my spiritual practice has been “Letting go”...

Is accepting a part of letting go?

If it is, does that mean the other side of the same coin is “Denial”?

Or is the key to letting go being able to do neither of those things by “Acknowledging” only?

Is accepting and denying the same as yes, and no, true, or false, real, and not real?

Is it ok, or is it not ok to ponder such a thing?

Are all of those things judgments in reality based on just what the limit of being perceivably perceptive of the brightest of us?

What judgments have you made while reading this? 

What judgments are you making right now?

Is every action and reaction a judgment based off of the limitations of available to us data at any one moment? 

Is everything we do a judgment of the future, one moment after the next?

My Journey as the Esoteric Student...Thus Far

After some false starts and searching for my subject and topic of choice to find my path inward and "the in" things, are beginning to flow. And surprisingly to me, I'm unsure how I am feeling about it. But why?

Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash

Well, it's because I am finding synchronicity, and signals that I am now on the most appropriate course to find answers to things that I suspected, and felt that I already knew, of which are the reasons I chose to begin Esoteric Student. And it's a tad bit scary, but for all the right reasons.

You see, the posts that I made prior to this very moment were all about my experiences and feelings of events in my past, which raised questions I needed to answer. And I have written about them in my own language, descriptors, explanations, and understandings. And nothing else. Meaning in the sense of having no knowledge or research of anything considered esoteric to speak of. But, I also have had nobody to relate to, or speak to, or to share with. Zero studying. Zip, nada, nothing. Heck, prior to my calling to this path, I didn't even know what the word esoteric meant. Seriously!

Since beginning Esoteric Student, I have been blindly taking nibbles out of various avenues of esoteric sub-genres, trying to connect with what feels right and organic for me, in order to settle in. Thus, I have now found what I have been looking for. I have also been working on it, and without saying to much about it yet for the sake of the project I have in store for this particular subject, it feels like "the one."

I know this because of the same reasons which are scary/unsettling to me. What I have written about previously, I am now finding information, tales, stories, journeys, data, files, evidence, and language terms, of, about, for, and to, what I have experienced in my life. But I used all my own words, descriptions, interpretations, understandings, and explanations, due to the lack of knowledge and research on, and into such matters. With frightening accuracy.

It is things that I simply could not have ever known about from second-hand information picked up from other people. If it was, I would never have used sentences claiming that I feel some of my perspectives and opinions were entirely unique to only me and that I needed to begin this journey to seek the answers to things encountered in my past, and present, which are profoundly critical to me to a degree of creating websites, blogs, pages, social media accounts. And more importantly, anonymously (for the most part) for fearing of being accused of being completely insane, and needing liberation from the risks the territory poses. For the sake of needing to be as brutally honest with myself while embarking on this undertaking.

And I will prove all of it, but finding the words requires formulation, and a period of acceptance on my part because although I know exactly what I experience, past and present, to be pure truth, in every ounce of my being, it is quite another thing to find confirmation by others. Those others are authors, prominent speakers, in interviews, podcasts, tv programs, documentaries, people who were in the military and government agencies, declassified scientists...and many more places to be found I'm sure. But the things that are truly profound for me, are few...so far. But are speaking, and teaching of things that are identical to the truth I know, without doubt, because I have experienced it, but described in different words. But only because I never knew terminologies coined by legitimate teachers and experiencers who also know the truth. Without question in my opinion and knowledge.

And that brings me full circle to where I am currently in my investigations. Initially, I feared people would think I'm insane, but now I am finding my way, I keep thinking to myself that this is insane! But nonetheless undeniable. I feel like I am finally finding my place on this journey of being an Esoteric Student. 

Perspectives and Cheese Graters

 

Like most of us do, I was just browsing social media and the internet in general, which led me to come across this meme you see before you. And it stopped me in my tracks because of how true it is, how simple it seems of a thing to be pointed out. But yet it is sort of mind-expanding in a more esoteric way than something so unassuming could lead a person to believe.

In a post that I wrote previously, I spoke about the ways in which I see existence, yours, mine, ours, everyone's, and everything.

I mean, within the context of the question asked, along with the image, it does take one a moment away from the self and into the realm of imagination. I can very much visualize the music videos and the artists doing their thing. I can hear the soundtracks in my mind.

One step further than that? I can see in my mind a step further, with the production equipment out of frame. Lighting, cameras, studio crew, director. A bit further behind those, makeup, and fashion stylists won't be too far away. Heck, we could from that point onward travel out the studio and into a car park. And then roads, shops, bars, and restaurants. Why stop there even? Maybe we can envision the moon and beyond. 

We could go beyond that visionary experience, afforded to us by the asset of imagination. Because of perspective. During reading my words, did you see other people in your mind? A celebrity or two perhaps? Very possible, and I have no doubt indeed that many stereotypes were also envisioned. 

But, I wonder how many saw, felt, transported, and traveled from where you are right now as you're reading this, to being there in person. In that studio, on set, lights, camera, music, action, along with the crew, director, artists even, bling everywhere, champagne, cognac, of which, nothing but Hennesy will do, costumes, make-up, getting loose and riding the vibe, all while you're in the center...of a cheese grater!?

In my mind, it raises more questions, ponderings, possibilities, and potential. Because of one reason, my perspective, and back to my earlier post (linked here). But possibly after reading this, it could also be your perspective. Are we all in the cheese grater? 

Very much so, yes, I believe we are. I believe everything is in a cheese grater, all a part of something much, much, much larger than we can ever have the capacity to comprehend. But we can try, and grow along the way as we travel the journey of a traveler in this thing we have chosen to name, called life, and whatever may be outside of, and beyond the greater cheese grater.

For the sake of a running theme of stumbling onto paradoxical conundrums, I suggest to you that looking deeply into oneself, allows, over time, for an ability to outwardly see far beyond the depths journeyed inward. Or So I think, and I wonder if this is remote viewing of, and channeling from an infinite multiverse.

Rolling the Dice

I have at times unwillingly and accidentally stumbled into a deepest depth of mind by damaging it over the course of my life, with substances, sleep deprivation, famine, and binging until my body and mind could no longer keep up, one day it just changed, something switched, snapped, and I could pull information, random and specific from the air, like it's all around us, everywhere, flying around, ideas, knowledge, predictions, were drowning in it, It's filled all around and we're swimming in it. The "ding" moments when a new idea or thought comes into someone's mind, it comes from somewhere, it is what I'm saying to you it is. Break enough and you will reach it consciously.

unsplash.com/@armato

The pineal, much like you can move your eyebrows, puff your chest, move your arms and legs, can be moved exactly the same way. Project it, it can be done, and you will get a hit, something bangs into you, like a physical punch in the chest, and stomach, it makes you tense your core after and can begin feeling those hits and prepare for them.

 but...

I don't have a choice when something hits me, could be minutes, could be hours. I haven't been able to get there properly yet to make it hurry. It is just what it is and I am trying to get back that intensity in 2014-15 when I pushed myself too far, without having to push that hard and far. The trick is just to be ready and recognize it when it hits you. You know I make sense and what I'm telling you is as real as you and I.

It needs a bump start for some people, for others, it is a more profound sensory awareness experience but unnoticed and things unexpected happen that people can't explain and have trouble talking about for the sake of criticism and mental condition. And people like me who stumbled onto, but became super aware of what's possible, and left neglected for some time. Nevertheless, I want it back under my full control but without going so close to the edge this time. But experiences can be very different from believers and trying to navigate the legitimacy between those can be tricky of course. But when you see and meet the ones who truly know, as a person who also truly knows, it's as obvious as the difference between night and day. And of course, there is the vast majority of our species now, who will never process out from the coma that blankets them. May peace be with you.

The Precipice

On the Verge...or in the Verge? On the Edge...or on Edge?

For the moments that I have been finding myself arriving at, and sharing what I am about to, if you continue reading, put out there, am certain of the fact that I choose to remain anonymous for the right reasons. And it is for the most part, selfish purposes, which is because I use this outlet as personal therapy, and in a completely backwards approach to not wanting anyone to actually read it, which makes it comically odd as to why I choose to share it with anyone in the world who happen to stumble across any of the shamefully plastered links to this very website, for them to do the thing that I am saying I don't really want anyone to do! This entire concept shouldn't make sense, and if we look at it logically, does not make sense, but there is another side to this that everyone should understand. Because much like the way we...yes I do it too!.. can hide behind digital avatars and so feel a degree more comfortable than if we were there in person, flesh and all. That has an impact on who we are, and how we behave, of which has positives and negatives, individual dependant of course, but that liberation of separating self from self can pave ways for the good. Example being, Esoteric Student is just me, the cold, hard, blunt facts of my experience, with complete and total honesty, zero egos, zero ignorance, and zero all the other things that that effect my behaviour, positively or negatively. It is just the ignorance of zero ignorance, in yet another paradoxical conundrum that seems to be my theme. If a side effect of all this happens to be someone reading this and can find any value amongst the ramblings of my ND-self, then that is why I know you also understand, and I'm not alone.

Photo by Ivan Aleksic on Unsplash

All that just to say that currently, and the past few months have been some of the most challenging, difficult and paradigm shifting experiences of my life, and while it is all still unfolding, I am noting, logging, and preparing to write all about it. This is simply an update and check in to say I'm still here and that I am at the Edge, and on the Verge of some truly profound turning points, a great reset of sorts. So watch this space...

What Do I Believe? What Do You Believe?

What I believe in, prior to starting this brand new adventure of self and solo discovery…

I think, given that this journey is for me, just beginning, it makes sense to make my beliefs known before I become consciously and subconsciously influenced by any (if any?) of the research I do. I am finding this quite difficult for me to put into words, what I can only feel, writing a blog is also brand new to me. In the past, I have thought long and hard over how to write about it because I feel this is genuine and quite A unique take on everything. It will sound ridiculous to some, and I can’t even name the specific point in time where this revelation truly dawned up-onto me. My own personal belief just seems to make complete sense to me, but it is also a lonely place to be in some aspects of having such an individually soloistic idea.

It is with this personal system that I venture out to search for the answers to questions of mine that reinforce, re-awaken and develop, also while being completely open-minded about everything I encounter on the way. I might not find answers for anything at all, and I might end up dismissing what I thought I knew for an entirely new personal system of beliefs! Personally, I do go into this with hope, and I hope I can reinforce and adopt much new. So forgive me if the following of what you read doesn’t make much sense in scholarly or literal terms and reads like the ramblings of a crazy person. I won’t be diving into any of the experiences that have led up to me forming this idea, and remember this is just one uneducated opinion. And the views expressed therein from now are solely my own and are not meant for anyone else.

In life, as we know it, each living thing has its own biology, its own ecosystem. You can see and know that even within the smallest of lives you have forces for good, and forces of bad at play, even with plants. Let me explain, in your body, you have 10 times more microbial cells than your very own human cells, according to scientific literature. It is estimated, based on that figure that the human microbiome has around 100 trillion bacterial cells and approximately 10 trillion human cells. If you consider that there are approximately 7.9 billion humans in our world, the bacterial world begins to take the shape of an image that is very different. But even those are full of light and darkness.

Cells through to humans all have their functions, it isn’t, on a basic level, learned nor communicated, it is simply inherent. The way an animal behaves is its nature and does what it has built within to do. Even humans can only learn what has already been learned, which is a natural process of our function. There are, much like bacteria and cells, good humans and bad humans. We can create, we can love and give light, we can act on anger and darkness, and can create damage and hurt or destroy with war. We all know too well that people are either good, bad or in-between, but each has their role to play and performs that which comes naturally to them. It is just who they are.

With certain esoteric systems, I have thus far not been able to accept the model of the structure of everything. Take, for example, the Qabalistic tree of life. I get that there is a single point from which everything comes, that is impossible for anyone to be able to comprehend, but why are there so few layers to the said tree? I believe we need to think much bigger, and it is very possible to do it within context. If we look back at the mind-bending figures written above and expand on them. Humans are, like good and bad bacteria, within the context of the damage being done to Earth by the bad cells, like a disease. But there are good humans who are trying to fight for the light and repair our broken world, but by far the bad bacteria are winning the fight, like cancer we can’t yet cure. The bad trigger the opposite reaction, which is good, exactly at the moment it comes into creation, quantum-like. It's eternal war.

My point is that if we, for a moment take a step outwards; into space and look at that, the dark matter, the stuff which fills the void between the solid object we can see (in space), touch, and feel, the dark matter begins to look a lot like blood and liquids. With that context in mind, the planets become to be a lot like bacteria, (although bacteria are single-cell organisms unless we look at them on a quantum level) and humans are that from which bacteria is formed. Quantum levels are much of the same idea. On a quantum level, there are many more worlds we can’t understand or comprehend even.

People often ask questions, that in my point of view are the wrong ones to ask. What is the meaning of life? for example, holds little to no academic merit within the scope of my own point of view. Firstly, I think when people ask that question, they are asking it within the context of themselves, a human. But like all living things, they simply do what it is in their nature to do, subconsciously and consciously, good or bad, we react to our wants that are inherently pre-programmed into our being. So the meaning of life, in my opinion, is to simply do what comes naturally to you, just like everything else does. It is the function of your existence. The real question is, what is it that we are a part of? It is obvious to me that we are a part of a much larger creature, and that creature is part of a larger world, where there are other living beings, and inside those, there are others like us and all the living things that we know of around us.

Expand on that idea and you will come to realise that the living thing we are a part of will also be in a world of their own, within an even greater living creature, all playing the roles of their pre-programmed nature, and that within its own space, and time, and the universe. I believe that the big bang idea is ridiculous unless you view it another way. If you view it as a literal birth into being, in the exact same way, we ourselves and every living thing in our world are born into creation and grow as what we conceive as time goes forward until death. This process will be happening infinitely. Everything in our universe, forces we can see and those we can not is just a part of something bigger.

I do agree that it had to start somewhere, maybe that is the one true God, but It would be a hyper-quantum molecule of something, that really is impossible to comprehend or to ever be able to answer, rather than a being as most would like to believe. But that doesn’t mean that the hyper-molecule didn’t grow into something of being.

To sum this up, ancient Gods… could very well have visited us, they could be like medicine being introduced to our world, much like (or literally) a pill or injection is introduced to our own bodies. Much like we have good and bad bacteria and cells creating and fighting. Perhaps it would explain AUP/UFOs, aliens and “heavenly” visits and come to commune with our world, trying to fix, help and steer us back to health. But that is for another time in a future post. I hope, if you read this, that I have communicated well enough my own concepts of belief to you in a way that is easily digestible and meditated over. I will elaborate upon this idea extensively in the coming months, including the layers that which we can not see.

What do you make of this take on the theory of everything? What are your beliefs? I’m very interested to know.

Thelema: An Introduction to the Life, Work & Philosophy of Aleister Crowley by Colin D. Campbell Book Review

The second book on my journey of spiritual development is all about Aleister Crowley and Thelema.

Esoteric Definition Within the Context of EsotericStudent.com

The word esoteric is defined most commonly as a subject intended for or likely to be understood by only a small number of people with a specialized knowledge or interest.

With Esoteric Student you can expect to see content covering subjects from traditional esoteric topics such as rituals, religion, science, philosophy, nature, meditations, history, astrology etc. But no doubt about it, there will be a plethora of others, like magick, UFO's, consciousness, conspiracy theories, health, the occult, music, drug use and all that is in-between.

There will be reviews of books, documentaries, Youtube channels, and other resources available... websites, Facebook groups, events, music. What exactly will be covered and when is something that I currently can't say because I am just beginning this adventure and following where-ever it may lead. So stick around and sign up to regular updates. There is also an Esoteric Student Facebook page and group which I hope can be made good use of to build a community of like-minded, free-spirited individuals who will join me in this adventure. 

The Essential Golden Dawn: An Introduction to High Magick By Chic Cicero and Sandra Tabatha Cicero Book Review

In this post I will give an overview of how I came across this book and some thoughts after reading it.

Esoteric Journey

“Compelled…

to the paths in esotericism to learn the knowledge, understanding, and wisdom therein, about more than a physical world. I want real-world results of facts, history, traditions, science, zero illusions…but maybe a “li’l Magick.”

Goodbye

For the past couple of months, I have been in a battle with myself to pick up the pen and begin writing again. It isn’t a problem I have experienced an issue with before; because the written language has always been the best form of communication and expression for me. If anyone reads this I ask that you not take this post as something to judge as my typical works, it is not, however, I need to get past this stage of my life, and the only way to do that is to stop collecting sheets of half-written attempts at trying to make sense of life, as it currently is for me.

In October my grandmother, Nan as I know her, passed away after waging war with cancer; multiple cancers. She raised me and I lived with my grandparents from when I was six months old and the reality is they were my parents.

I was her full-time intensive carer and it was an incredibly traumatic and devastating time, it still is. For me, the war is still raging as a lot has happened since October, but in some aspects, a great deal has not happened. I have to move house due to being a council housing association and it is a 3 bedroom. I have a lot of possessions which I am having to fight to be able to keep as the downsizing may become difficult to do so. I am autistic and have numerous health issues; such as ADHD, which I am saving to write about in the future, but it is important to mention it now. And it is a deciding factor as to why I have been struggling so much to get all this down onto paper; because tragedy is all that has loomed since her passing. 

It seemed like the best way to ease back into writing my content for Esoteric Student. And there is a potential that some of what I write may be somewhat helpful, and hold some value to someone, at some point; because this situation isn’t typical. It is unique and complex, so I believe. But only if I am able to get it down onto paper/screens.

I simply just cannot, as hard as I try, get the order I desperately need to filter the chaos and overwhelming emotions of the turmoil of the tragedy-scarred period, until it writes itself when it is ready, and instead notify you of the situation and move away to other topics and get my writing muscles working again.

The following is a eulogy I wrote shortly after her passing, which I never got to say.:

While I am crushed and internally inconsolable, there are dimensions to my grief. I wish to focus on what she asked me a few days prior to Nan’s passing, which was “I’ve done ok, haven’t I? You know, I mean as a person, I’ve been a good person?” It hit me so hard, and I assured her yes without a doubt, and I tried to explain to her my memories, to explain to her just how much she has done for me, and that I have and will never ever forget, nor take anything about it for granted. I wanted to tell her that my earliest memories are of Nan, in a pinny, cooking in the kitchen, a pie, or bread pudding, it was snowy out and I was playing with Sheba, a German Sheppard. I remember the times we went into the city, our town, to haggle and barter with the outdoor market sellers, by the Bullring shopping centre in Birmingham.

Each and every day Nan got me up for school, made me breakfast and a packed lunch, and then walked me to my junior school, it felt like miles, but that’s because it was. Rain, sun, snow, ice, it never mattered. Then she would have to walk all the way home again to have to do it all over again to collect me. Occasionally my Mum would drive or walk instead but not often, as far as I can remember. Nan must have been in a lot of pain with her arthritis to do that every day. I know I was, due to having childhood arthritic deformations I was born with. Not only that though, but she would also cook and clean every day!

I will never forget her coming to comfort me at 2, or 3 am, nightly almost, with me having lucid night terrors and nightmares. Quite honestly there are countless more things I could tell you about, maybe I will someday.

Strength, stubbornness, intelligence, fury, love. These are some of the traits which have helped us, notably over the six months we fought cancer, and have helped me since Nan’s passing, which I see as being a gift from her to me. Nan never wanted to develop illnesses which affect the mind, and those traits helped to do that, I believe. Nan, much like myself, has the strength, and streak in us of defiance, which can be seen as character flaws to some. But without defiance, we wouldn’t have achieved what we did together by defying what we were told was impossible!

Nan’s dying wish was to pass away at home, to never be discarded to some old people's home, or hospice, to be treated by someone who just nods and smiles, and dismisses her the second they walk away and onto the next person. Her strength, intelligence, stubbornness, fury, defiance and love prevented that outcome which was also passed on to me. She gave me her strength, intelligence, stubbornness, fury, defiance and love, and we fought together. Nan gave me all I needed to aid her in her quest to stay at home, just like Nan gave her all, her absolute everything to help me be here today. She gave her heart, mind and soul to stay at home and fought hard, really hard, and me having the privilege of caring for her 24/7 intensely, has changed me forever.

I have found and lost a person who in her final six months, and despite our closeness raising me from six months old, became much closer than I ever understood a relationship between an (effectively) mother and son could be possible or even any relationship through a bond. We fought so hard together, mostly on our own. Sleepless nights, paramedics, hygiene, medications, adapting how to best help and changing with the tide on a daily basis from weekly, then down to hourly. We came up with ways of doing things which prevented as much stress as possible and we demonstrated to, at times also corrected, the health care professionals on our new moves. Such as a bear hug when Nan is lying down on the bed, and I stood over her from the side as it makes it much easier to slide her back up to the pillow area, and takes just two seconds rather than 4 people on either side holding the edges of a wendy sheet and them all struggling; while Nan lay there in pain on the specially designed hospital bed in the living room/lounge. That was our battlefield, the war room in which we fought and turned into a small hospital with all the equipment required. There is so much more I could write about this but it isn’t right to do so, just know that many methods we employed and we got creative with it, all to keep Nan at home, and for me to honour my vow.

Since the experience and duty of my vow to aid her as best as I possibly could, I am different, changed, enlightened and wiser.

Dear Nan,

Yes, we had time, we knew where we were headed together, and of course, I am deeply hurting but…I don’t expect others to understand how I feel because while I feel a sense of pride in what we accomplished, I’m also happy for you because we won, you won a battle we were told we couldn’t. We accomplished something together that I was told by the healthcare professionals at the top of their game, was incredibly hard to achieve and what you and I did together was so very rare and special. But in truth it was all you, you did it, you guided us all, me especially, on what to do and how to be so strong doing it. You won your biggest battle of an unwinnable war cancer waged with you, and it was the biggest honour of my life to be the one at your side to witness and tell your story. You taught me how to be strong, intelligent, stubborn, with fury and defiance in the face of the fight for your life. It was not us alone though, our dog was and is the third wheel who worked as hard as we did, bless her. She guarded, cuddled, comforted, and acted as a rapid alarm should all else have failed us.

We both miss you immensely and immeasurably. Thank you for giving us everything, your absolute best, along with Grandad who left us too soon, have given me a chance at a future. I tried to fight, and to give you my very best, and now, I will give that future and our dog’s future my all. Which you have taught me how to do.

Love from…your (Grand)son. xxx