A Part of Life is Apart From Death, For Some

What do you mean? I can hear myself being asked as I write this. Death is a part of life; it is the socially accepted standardized rationale of a civilized westerner. Wisdom is seen within an answer such as the aforementioned, it seems logical, I suppose. While it's true that death is a part of life, unfortunately; it's also an ignorant, blinding, blanket veiled answer, and woefully inconsiderate: because circumstances matter.

Photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash

In nature, animalistic and wild, life and death are intertwined, eat or be eaten, kill or be killed. Or flight and freeze are two other natural reactions in the face of peril and certain demise. As a human being, I accept that and I am intelligent enough to be sentiant, which also means that I am smart enough to understand that aside from me, and you, and what we are born as, hunting prey and killing is required in the wild.

While it is true that hunting for food is natural, humans and any other lifeform that has to survive by killing is a part of life, and always has been.

But then there comes killing for reasons other than for food, or survival. For power, and for land, and territory. It is also a very natural element for the survival of the fittest. Humans and animals are no different there either, and again it is a part of life and living.

Then, we come to those who kill, the killers, the truly awful hardcore murderous species on our planet, bloodthirsty and numb to travesty, pain, suffering, and cruelty. Animals, I have to close my words regarding them before I move to the point I am hopefully going to make through this article. Animals do kill for fun also, not just for necessity, like cats for example. Are they aware and conscious of what they are doing? Yes, of course, but I will say no more about degrees of animal intelligence and their blood-lusting-hobbies; because how can I compare animals to humans on such matters? I can't, given our superiority, our dominance, and our intelligence.

So while death is a part of life, in the most natural sense, we all die right? Of course, but typically that means, to those sensibilities and what I know to be the peaceful day-to-day life of a U.K. westerner, who has never fired a rifle or pistol (minus once as a range), or tried to murder anyone. So you see, I am one of the "for some" who is apart from death in every sense besides dying when I get old, or ill, or some terrible accident. While others are not apart from death, in life.

This, which I am writing, and you are reading, has stemmed from a video, and in this video, people are being slaughtered again, the same as a million other videos of the same shit, day-in, and day-out. This time on Youtube, which won't allow a barcode on a box of a vaping device to be shown because it's deemed???? Whatever Youtube deems it, I cant understand why, other than Youtube being paid off by cigarette companies and lobbyists most likely. But I digress. 

The video in question was this time footage from Ukraine, and I wasn't going to touch on this topic here. But how can I not when so much exposure to it is unavoidable. I just cannot process or comprehend wtf is going on with humans murdering other humans, and what they are all being put through. Every single human, all the deaths, military and civilians, children, elders, disabled persons, and pregnant women. The soldiers on all sides, the politicians, all of them, and everything is allowed to happen. I'm beyond baffled. We aren't the same as any other animal on this planet. 

 For others around the world, and England also, the not so fortunate, or the deranged, going around stabbing one another like nothing, without a second thought. I just can't fathom how anyone can take a life that isn't yours to take? ANY LIFE.

What makes the actions sicker, and what inspired me to write this, are the comments on these videos and posts. People having a laugh, making jokes, and sharing touches of humour of a disposition crazy enough to literally vomit. It's as if my brain doesn't have the capacity to allow myself to remotely view or channel what must be going through these poor people's minds. Victims and offenders alike.

We have reached a point as a species that was and violence should have been something of distant history, and we should have gotten past all of that by now. I'm weeping from my soul, my heart and I'm just so disappointed, I don't have an ounce of anything close to relatability to those who commit, command, and allow such atrocities to happen. Globally, not one person, or location, or race, all of them.

Shame on you, humans, shame on you.

Perspectives and Cheese Graters

 

Like most of us do, I was just browsing social media and the internet in general, which led me to come across this meme you see before you. And it stopped me in my tracks because of how true it is, how simple it seems of a thing to be pointed out. But yet it is sort of mind-expanding in a more esoteric way than something so unassuming could lead a person to believe.

In a post that I wrote previously, I spoke about the ways in which I see existence, yours, mine, ours, everyone's, and everything.

I mean, within the context of the question asked, along with the image, it does take one a moment away from the self and into the realm of imagination. I can very much visualize the music videos and the artists doing their thing. I can hear the soundtracks in my mind.

One step further than that? I can see in my mind a step further, with the production equipment out of frame. Lighting, cameras, studio crew, director. A bit further behind those, makeup, and fashion stylists won't be too far away. Heck, we could from that point onward travel out the studio and into a car park. And then roads, shops, bars, and restaurants. Why stop there even? Maybe we can envision the moon and beyond. 

We could go beyond that visionary experience, afforded to us by the asset of imagination. Because of perspective. During reading my words, did you see other people in your mind? A celebrity or two perhaps? Very possible, and I have no doubt indeed that many stereotypes were also envisioned. 

But, I wonder how many saw, felt, transported, and traveled from where you are right now as you're reading this, to being there in person. In that studio, on set, lights, camera, music, action, along with the crew, director, artists even, bling everywhere, champagne, cognac, of which, nothing but Hennesy will do, costumes, make-up, getting loose and riding the vibe, all while you're in the center...of a cheese grater!?

In my mind, it raises more questions, ponderings, possibilities, and potential. Because of one reason, my perspective, and back to my earlier post (linked here). But possibly after reading this, it could also be your perspective. Are we all in the cheese grater? 

Very much so, yes, I believe we are. I believe everything is in a cheese grater, all a part of something much, much, much larger than we can ever have the capacity to comprehend. But we can try, and grow along the way as we travel the journey of a traveler in this thing we have chosen to name, called life, and whatever may be outside of, and beyond the greater cheese grater.

For the sake of a running theme of stumbling onto paradoxical conundrums, I suggest to you that looking deeply into oneself, allows, over time, for an ability to outwardly see far beyond the depths journeyed inward. Or So I think, and I wonder if this is remote viewing of, and channeling from an infinite multiverse.

Rolling the Dice

I have at times unwillingly and accidentally stumbled into a deepest depth of mind by damaging it over the course of my life, with substances, sleep deprivation, famine, and binging until my body and mind could no longer keep up, one day it just changed, something switched, snapped, and I could pull information, random and specific from the air, like it's all around us, everywhere, flying around, ideas, knowledge, predictions, were drowning in it, It's filled all around and we're swimming in it. The "ding" moments when a new idea or thought comes into someone's mind, it comes from somewhere, it is what I'm saying to you it is. Break enough and you will reach it consciously.

unsplash.com/@armato

The pineal, much like you can move your eyebrows, puff your chest, move your arms and legs, can be moved exactly the same way. Project it, it can be done, and you will get a hit, something bangs into you, like a physical punch in the chest, and stomach, it makes you tense your core after and can begin feeling those hits and prepare for them.

 but...

I don't have a choice when something hits me, could be minutes, could be hours. I haven't been able to get there properly yet to make it hurry. It is just what it is and I am trying to get back that intensity in 2014-15 when I pushed myself too far, without having to push that hard and far. The trick is just to be ready and recognize it when it hits you. You know I make sense and what I'm telling you is as real as you and I.

It needs a bump start for some people, for others, it is a more profound sensory awareness experience but unnoticed and things unexpected happen that people can't explain and have trouble talking about for the sake of criticism and mental condition. And people like me who stumbled onto, but became super aware of what's possible, and left neglected for some time. Nevertheless, I want it back under my full control but without going so close to the edge this time. But experiences can be very different from believers and trying to navigate the legitimacy between those can be tricky of course. But when you see and meet the ones who truly know, as a person who also truly knows, it's as obvious as the difference between night and day. And of course, there is the vast majority of our species now, who will never process out from the coma that blankets them. May peace be with you.

The Precipice

On the Verge...or in the Verge? On the Edge...or on Edge?

For the moments that I have been finding myself arriving at, and sharing what I am about to, if you continue reading, put out there, am certain of the fact that I choose to remain anonymous for the right reasons. And it is for the most part, selfish purposes, which is because I use this outlet as personal therapy, and in a completely backwards approach to not wanting anyone to actually read it, which makes it comically odd as to why I choose to share it with anyone in the world who happen to stumble across any of the shamefully plastered links to this very website, for them to do the thing that I am saying I don't really want anyone to do! This entire concept shouldn't make sense, and if we look at it logically, does not make sense, but there is another side to this that everyone should understand. Because much like the way we...yes I do it too!.. can hide behind digital avatars and so feel a degree more comfortable than if we were there in person, flesh and all. That has an impact on who we are, and how we behave, of which has positives and negatives, individual dependant of course, but that liberation of separating self from self can pave ways for the good. Example being, Esoteric Student is just me, the cold, hard, blunt facts of my experience, with complete and total honesty, zero egos, zero ignorance, and zero all the other things that that effect my behaviour, positively or negatively. It is just the ignorance of zero ignorance, in yet another paradoxical conundrum that seems to be my theme. If a side effect of all this happens to be someone reading this and can find any value amongst the ramblings of my ND-self, then that is why I know you also understand, and I'm not alone.

Photo by Ivan Aleksic on Unsplash

All that just to say that currently, and the past few months have been some of the most challenging, difficult and paradigm shifting experiences of my life, and while it is all still unfolding, I am noting, logging, and preparing to write all about it. This is simply an update and check in to say I'm still here and that I am at the Edge, and on the Verge of some truly profound turning points, a great reset of sorts. So watch this space...

Tarot: Gold & Black and Black & Gold Edition by Arthur E. Waite, Art by Pamela C. Smith

These are my first Tarot Cards, and this is my first Tarot experience.

My first impressions of the packaging and cards themselves is a little mixed, to be honest. These are gold foil embossed Rider Waite cards and the artwork is created by Pamela Colman Smith, published by Lo Scarabeo with the each edition of the deck an inversion of the other. The packaging is very premium in appearance and both sets include a premium booklet with instructions on how to use the decks and and an explanation of the card meanings. It is worth pointing out the the edges of the cards are not gold, nor are they black and are rather thin. But they are nonetheless very beautiful and well presented. I have no other Tarot cards to compare them to currently.

 Like a lot of people, when I was a child I have memories of my Grandmother performing readings of Tarot for friends and family, but I was such an age that I never understood what was actually happening. Nor do I think I could even grasp the premise of the very act of reading the Tarot. But I do remember everyone being incredibly curious, interested and engrossed with it.

                                 

                                                                 

 I also remember that my Grandmother was extremely protective of her Tarot cards, no one was allowed to touch them and they had to be stored wrapped in a cloth and in a small wooden box. I was told that if anyone else used them or played with them (a child for example) the cards would no longer work as intended. It must be said that I was raised to believe in spirits and ghosts, the paranormal and supernatural. Religious to some degree, but never was I forced, so I did grasp the concept of energy and forces of the unknown. But that is all I knew about Tarot. And until very recently, upon beginning this new path of discovery I have embarked upon, I never really gave much more thought into the subject aside from some pre-conceived ideas. Of which are that Tarot is supernatural and cards are used to invoke spirits and paranormal entities to be able to see into the future, fortune telling by means of looking up the rigid meaning of the cards that happen to show up during the process. Well...how wrong was I? Probably about as wrong as anyone can be from a typical laymen point of view.

 The Tarot cards are not supernatural, nor can they predict the future, is what I am currently learning. I have been looking for a good entry point into which to begin my Tarot education, and there are countless Youtube videos, articles and books available on the subject, even online courses are out there. I decided to settle on that of which seems the most common beginner deck which is the Rider Waite Tarot, and I purchased A book written by Arthur Edward Waite to start with because it made more sense to go right to the source. But while trying to read and understand exactly what it is he writes, it became clear that I'm not able to absorb it with any degree of practical use, for modern times. Just the antique language of the book in which it is written I find rather complicated and difficult to read when trying to grasp the fundamentals. So instead I have decided to choose the deck that caught my eye the most and simply get stuck in.

 I did do a bit of bare minimum research, by watching a couple of short videos and read an article or two. I learned that to truly be able to read the cards, I have to utilize my own intuition in order to best interpret what I see in the cards spread in front of me. So with this in mind, I can officially say that I have performed my first Tarot reading, on myself. And decided that it is probably best, for now, to use the included book to refer to. I simply have no understanding of the cards to relate any meanings to, intuition or not.

 I began by shuffling the deck, with a completely (as close as I could get) clear head, for a substantial amount of time, with no expectation nor questions in mind, for around 15 minutes, to feel the sensation and vibrations of the cards, and attempting to impart a part of my soul into the deck. I did drop them once (accidentally), which I picked back up in the order they landed as none were facing upwards, but some of the cards for sure were upside down in the fall. I split the deck into three and flipped the top cards them over from right to left.

 The first card revealed itself to be the "Queen of Swords" and so I referred to the included guide. "Wisdom imparted with kindness and precision. Telling others exactly what you think without mincing words, honesty without cruelty. Self-expression in all areas. Calling a person or thing out for what it is. Articulate. Precise. Intellectual. Welcoming. Knowledgeable." How do I view this card in relation to myself? Well...surprisingly, it sits into my current life extremely well. Firstly, I am autistic, among other things, it is relevant and best to get that part out of the way and done with from the beginning. Interestingly, I am currently doing A course on autism and learning all kinds of wisdom and knowledge, of which I am relaying to online communities in an effort to help others, based on factual advice gained from it. I am trying to do this in the warmest and kindest manner I possibly can. If you are reading this blog, then you may likely to already be aware that I am indeed brand new to everything you see and read on EsotericStudent.com. I am the student, and are sharing with you my own journey of discovery as open, and as honest as I can possibly be while trying not to offend, confuse or force any of my experiences and opinions onto anyone else. I try to articulate and intellectually communicate my findings the best that I can factually do. Which is including regularly making available esoteric and occult digital format books free to download via the Esoteric Student Facebook group because it is information that I strongly believe should be available to everyone, to make of what you want, regardless of barriers such as language, background, and cost. So as you can see, I can relate to the "Queen of Swords" card as defined within the decks included manual with quite a high degree of accuracy.

 The second of three cards to reveal itself to me is "The Emperor" upon which I again turn to the included guide to define it's interpretation. "The father archetype of emperor reflects creating solid foundations in life on which to build the world of our dreams. It is creativity grounded by form and the organization of your lifestyle. Fatherhood in every way. Authoritarian. Rules. Order. Stability. Structure. Opinionated. Head Strong." This again resonates strongly with me. In 2018 I lost my Grandfather to cancer. He brought me up, for all intensive purposes he was my Father, the only one I had ever known. Prior to losing him from this world, my life had spiralled downward and out of control. There were no positives, including addictions. I eventually had to move back home, to my Grandparents house where I had grown up. They took care of me and gradually things improved. I withdrew from my old life and the things and people that were in it and became to find new interests and hobbies, such as learning how to build websites and develop online communities and friendships, which at the time held no real significance for my future. Between this and working nights in a supermarket stacking shelves, it was enough distraction to keep me out of trouble, but I was building skills none the less. When my Grandfather passed away I took it really badly and nosedived into a deep depression, no doubt triggered by the trauma of the event that took place as he was taking his final breaths in front of me (which I will not go into here.) It led me into a total breakdown, and the decision that working the job I was, was no longer suitable at all. Which (with my already included born physical disabilities) led to my diagnoses' of autism and ADHD, manic depression and anxiety disorders. In the time since this period, and thank you to the inspiration from my Grandfather having left me a tin of vintage cigarette cards, I have been inspired to create my own job, selling collectables. It completes the circle of suiting to me needs (and conditions). It involves organizing, cataloguing, building upon solid foundations and using the rules of all the skills I had learned while being looked after by my Grandparents. To which I am doing to this day to build my dream life. Currently I am sole carer for my Grandmother who is also losing her battle with cancer. She too has helped me no end in surviving suicide  and in building the foundations, stability and structure of a life sculpted to help me in living a life without them, on my own. And for that I am eternally grateful.

 The third and final card I turned over was "The Four of Wands" and in reference to the guidebook, is described as "Stability of passion and early success gives reason to celebrate. Remember those who help you get where you are. Work should be tempered with play and pleasure. Your life's work can and should feel like play at times. Celebration. Party. Gathering of like-minded people." It looks like we have a hattrick because likewise to the two cards before, "The Four of Wands" I can relate to in very recent terms to my life. In essence, the very thing you are reading is a passion of mine. Writing, being creative, learning. While I write to earn a living, it has always been a skill of mine. Verbal communication has always been an issue, so written word has been the most success I have ever had in order to communicate with others. I won awards for it at a very young age and has been a life-long accomplishment for me. I will also never forget those who helped me get to this point, as I stated up above, my Grandparents are the exact definition of those who have helped me. And Esoteric Student is the essence of my pleasure and is the play (that's not to say I don't take this seriously because I do) of my written work. Extremely recently I have come to become acquainted with incredibly like-minded people, who gather online to celebrate one another's work in the form of writers guild designed especially for neurodiverse individuals who share the same conditions as I do. It really is uncanny in description.

 To sum this up, while my method may be incorrect, and while the descriptions of the meaning of the cards included may be written in a such a way as to be able to read and interpret every one of the Tarot cards to a part of every persons life, which can be utilised as a past, present and future determination, Tarot now certainly has my interest. I will be continuing to use them regularly and be keeping a journal of the whole process by logging the cards turned, the definitions, relatability and accuracy. I will also be exploring the various methods in which to use them correctly.

 I am thoroughly impressed of my first experience but until I become acquainted with each of the cards and interpretations it is impossible for me to form an opinion in any direction, but I can certainly see the attraction and appeal of such widespread interest that reading the Tarot has.

 As to the decks themselves, its not for me to decide if they are a correct choice for you. I am attracted to new shiny things, and I have my eye on some other Tarot decks that are also of the shiny nature which I plan on picking up, which will give me more understanding of the nature of quality available out there.